Restaurant Musings

First of all, let me apologize for the randomosity (randomosity? eh...we'll go with it) that will ensue in this post. In all honesty part of the reason why I'm posting this is because I really just wanted to write.

It is currently Sunday evening and I'm sitting in a restuarant I was in about seven hours prior for lunch. Generally, if I return a second time during the day it's with papers to grade. However, now that we are on Christmas Break, I'm a bit at a loss of things to do. Am I complaining? No, not at all. Infact, I welcome such a break with open arms. Which again, brings me back to the main point of this blog. To just write.

A chance to just let every creative thought just flow into my fingers, out onto the keyboard, and eventually form themselves into words on this page.

At this current moment I'm sitting in a booth next to a window. Floating, ball-like lamps are hanging above me like ominus globes and to my immediate left sits a banana smoothie. (I'm pretty sure I never ate as many banana related foods as I have before I made it to the island. But I digress.) Upon a wooden table it sits with condensation running down the sides. The glass of the cup it resides inside is as ridged as the waves a few yards away. A pink straw pokes its way out of the frozen concoction and sits staring at me. My least favorite color touching one of my most favorite treats. Well, at least it's functional. Slowly the liquid insides are beginning to decrease. I can't complain though. Every empty space in my glass means a filled space in my stomach.

Waiters and waitresses rush to and fro writing down and delivering orders. I almost feel kind of bad just sitting here and watching them burn as many calories as I just ate. I hope they know their efforts are appreciated. I also hope they haven't had any rude customers today.

Well, my banana smoothie is empty and my current inhabitance closes in about an hour.
We shall see what happends between now and then.

Good eve to you all!

An Unpolitically Correct Christmas

I wrote this a few years ago for a Christmas Eve service at my church, enjoy!

An Unpolitically Correct Christmas

Happy Holidays

Happy put out your blow up Santa,

And matching snowman,

Days.

 

Happy rush until you find,

The perfect $300 dollar,

Designer brand,

Silk,

Imported from Italy,

Striped tie,

Days.

Happy look what I got,

My parents spent more money,

Than yours,

Because my present is bigger,

Days.

 

But what about Christmas?

 

What about the virgin,

Who carried a child,

As she rode on a Donkey,

Miles and miles to Bethlehem?

What about the anxiety,

The fear,

The excitement,

The joy,

She must have felt,

As she moved forward,

On that long,

Bumpy,

Dusty,

Road.

What about the man

The man who supported her,

Every longing step forward,

The carpenter,

That soon became the unexpected father,

Of our messiah?

What about the baby

Whose blood had the power,

To take,

A world,

Of pain,

Away from

You and me?

So take back your holidays,

Your decorations,

Your overpriced gifts,

That will soon break,

Or go out of style.

And give me back,

Christmas.

Christ,

Mas

 

Reflections and Revelations

On the island of Saipan,

In my two bedroom apartment,
I woke-up.
 

Not only did I open my eyes but I also reached for my laptop. A shiny, black laptop.
I clicked onto Facebook to find that in the state of Connecticut, the day of an Elementary school had gone much differently.

On the mainland,
In a state on the eastern side of the country,
27 people were killed.

Not only were they adults, but the vast majority were children killed by bullets. A shiny, black bullet. A man clicked the trigger on his mom, her class, and himself. I can only imagine what the families of all of the above must be going through right now.

Now, before I became a teacher this news wouldn't have had much of an effect on me. I would have been sad for a little bit, but moved on quickly. Yet today when the Facebook statuses and headlines scrolled themselves across the page all I could think about were my own students.

What if a gunman made his way into my classroom and opened fire?
I can just hear the blasts now.

I imagined myself hurrying my students behind my desk and I doing all I can to protect them. I don’t even want to think about it.

Many have responded negatively to this occurance, asking why such a thing could happen or even suggesting that this is why we need to abandon public schools. The latter gave me a sting, not only as a teacher but as someone who spent about 10 or so years in public school.

In reality this could have happened anywhere. Public school, private school, even in the comfort of our own homes.

But what we can’t do is let bad feelings take us over. God is going to bring us through this. It may sound like a cliché Christian thing to say, but it’s so true.

A while back I posted a short blurb with this verse:

"Give justice to the poor and the orphan; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute. Rescue the poor and the helpless; deliver them from evil people."-Psalm 82:3-4

I think this whole school shooting has given me an answer as to why it has been on my heart so much. I believe teaching is a ministry (in reality almost any job can be a ministry) and protecting and taking care of our students is part of that, no matter what.

Merry Christmas

Before I begin, let's take a vote. By show of hands how many of you are tired of hearing "Happy Holidays" and would rather hear "Merry Christmas" instead? Me too.

A few weeks ago we were having dinner at the W's house and JW came across this blurb written by Ben Stein (yes Mr. Bueller Bueller Bueller and Dry Eyes himself). I found it most interesting and wanted to share.

"Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:

I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to."

By posting this am I saying that I can't stand any other Holidays that are celebrated by other religious groups? No not at all, that would be ridiculous.

I just want Christmas to be Christmas.

Sister

Good morning, afternoon, evening...feel free to choose once based on your geographic location.

Today I humbly ask for your prayers for a person who is very important to me, my sister. She has jumped into a pool of trust as she follows God's present calling as a worker in youth ministry
My words alone could not capture all that has inspired her to follow this calling, so if you would like to know more please read her story here:
http://yd.org/about/staff/kyla_de_wit

If you would like to follow her personal reflections about her experiences, take a ganger at this link:
http://kdewitministry.wordpress.com/

Again I ask, please pray for her.

Please pray that she continues to trust God as she goes through the process of fundraising.
Please pray that, even in times of discouragement, she continues to be encouraged.
Please be with both her and Ross and they go through this process together. Help them to learn from not only each other, but most importantly, God.

Yet with all the prayers to be had, there is much to praise God for in this experience as well.
Praise God for the fact that she has been given this opprotunity.
Praise God for the fact that she is being obedient.
Praise God for everything He has provided (and will provide) in her experience.
Praise God for the fact that she has a supportive husband (and family) who will be there to help her every step of the way.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,

and he will make your paths straight."

-Proverbs 3:5-6

Patience

If you've been following this blog for long enough you will know by now that I am a teacher. I also teach a class of students who are a bit out of the ordinary.

Their backgrounds are what say it all. Some come from parents who give them whatever they want, others from abuse, and others still from broken families.

There are times where I'm tested to my limits with them. My voice grows hoarse and I can feel my nostrils flair. Things seemed to be especially tough this week (some may argue it's because of the full moon, I'm still skeptical of such ideas though). All forms of listening went out the window and my worst behaved students just about drove me up the wall.

A few blogs ago I wrote about how, when we find ourselves in difficult situations, we need to ask ourselves, "How is this the best thing God is doing for me?" or "How is He shaping me?" I found myself asking that multiple times. So I would ask him what he's trying to show me. His reply?

Be patient, I'm not done yet.

The other day Principal took the whole staff outside after our morning meeting before school. He had us look out into the ocean, up into the sky, and around the sandy playground. He told us that we wouldn't be here if God didn't have a reason for us to be here. He (God) knows what he's doing. I looked up and saw Principal's crows feet framed eyes look right at me as he said those words.

God provided me with this opprotunity. A job that I don't deserve but he just about handed me on a silver platter. With kids tough enough for me to handle. Now, instead of focusing on the negatives, I need to bless my students. Just like God has showered His blessings on me.

"Let my teaching fall like rain
and my words descend like dew,
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants."
-Deuteronomy 32:2

Only through God can a teacher achieve such a desire.

Baby Boy

Before I get too far in this post let me warn you that it may be a bit sappier than most. Maternal instincts are in full effect...approach with caution.

Tonight, for the first time I held a newborn baby. JW and AW were blessed with a son, we'll call him T, at exactly 5:54 this morning. As he reached the 12th hour of his life AVH and I took the opprotunity to meet him.

I will tell you now, that for the past few years I have had in my mind that kids weren't for me. If anything I'd rather be the aunt who can sugar them up and give them back at the end of the day. (Don't get me wrong, I still plan on doing that...you're welcome in advance Sister and Brother-in-law.) But as I held little T those feelings changed.

I'm not sure exactly what but those negative feelings about having kids of my own seemed to turn. I suddenly realized how amazing it can be to have kids. Maybe it was hearing stories about the support system JW and AW had in the delivery room. Maybe it was seeing the way his parents interacted with him. Maybe it's because I've been thinking a lot about my family and home lately. Or maybe it was just holding him, who knows really. Sometimes reasons are unnecessary.

All I know for sure is that someday I want to be a mom.

Clams

I'm a teacher.

Though a simple title, I've come to find that there are millions of pieces that help make up the puzzle of an educator.

One of those (at least of what I've experienced) includes being a counselor.

Growing up I was blessed to have parents who I could confide in. Parents who I could talk about anything and everything with. A gift from God that I never truly appreciated until I started teaching kids who don't have that.

This past week I met with one of my students and her mom. It was a make-up parent teacher conference. I took a copy of the student's report card out of her file and laid it infront of both of them. With pursed lips her mother scanned the report card, I could see the wheels begin to turn and her eyes narrowed behind her red framed glasses. There is a section on the report cards that has to do with character and attitude. Surprisingly I found that a lot of the parents care more about that section over the actual grades. This mother was no acception. In the box next to "respects authority" I had placed an "N" (meaning that the student needs improvement in that area). Her lips began to tighten and she shot a stare an her daughter, said something sternly in their native tongue, and began talking calmly with me.

Aparently this was something that had been going on the year prior as well. As we discussed I saw the rims of my student's eyes turn red and tears begin to well up.

Now, after years of working with kids (and I know I've said this before) crocodile tears don't phase me. But these were different. Yes perhaps she was upset because she got in trouble with her mom, but the look she gave me made my heart hurt. It was like she was terrified of what was going to happen. I tried to talk with my pupil but she sat frozen. Her mom openly (and almost proudly) told me that her daughter was afraid of her and probably wouldn't say much. Those words stung as they entered my ear canals. This student was comfortable telling me anything, but was clam-like when it came to saying anything around her mom. I had a similiar experience when I talked with another student and his dad.

Why is that I wonder, perhaps it's a cultural thing.

What I do know is that being a teacher holds a lot of responsibility, many of which is emotional. Not only of yourself but the students as well. I think what the best thing a teacher can do is to listen. No matter what the circumstance, just be an ear. Your patience and willingness to let the student speak may go farther than you imagine. Even when it can, at times, be difficult.

Matthew 19:14 states "Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'"

As a teacher, let them come to you and let them speak.

The Best Thing

We've all had situations that have upset us.

Something breaks.
Chronic illness attacks a family member
Relationships don't go as planned.
Anything really.

I was watching a vlog by a man named Matthew Hussey, I think he's a motivational speaker or something. I don't know. But in one of his vlogs he was talking about bad situations and how people tend to play the part of the victim.

I will admit I've done this, I'm sure we all have at one point or another.

But there was one specific thing he said as he jabbered on in his British accent. He said "Ask yourself, how is this the best thing that could happen?"

The best thing that could happen.

The best thing
that
could
happen.

Now that's just an attitude changer isn't it?

In the book of James (a personal favorite of mine) there is a passage that goes like this:

^"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

God is working on all of us, and will continue to mold and shape us until our time on Earth is through. I wonder what would happen if we took the advice of both Mr. Hussey and James.

Perhaps, instead of taking unfavorable circumstances as an attack, we could ask ourselves, how is this the best thing that God has done for me?

You've Got Scripture!

"Give justice to the poor and the orphan; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute. Rescue the poor and the helpless; deliver them from evil people."-Psalm 82:3-4

This verse has been on my heart for the past month or so, I think God's trying to tell me something.

Now how do I do this....?

A Light in the Dark

So I really shouldn't be blogging right now. My sinuses are full with congestion, my eyes are drooping, and every part of me is screaming to go to sleep. Yet I couldn't help but be inspired to type out a few (hundred) words before I slowly slip off to dreamland.

Outside my apartment is a balcony. Said balcony leads to stairs, which leads to a parking lot. In the middle of said parking lot is a small grouping of trees. Tall they stand with branches drooping, swaying to and fro. Within said small grouping of trees live two birds. Not just any birds, no, said birds are doves. Pure, white doves. I caught sight of one as I walked up to my door. Through the night's darkness and the leaves there she was, almost glowing. She sat, perched up high, waiting for her mate to return. Each time I see her I can't help but smile.

A small sign of peace. Thanks God.

Trouble in Paradise

There is a lot more that goes on between the worlds of heaven and hell than we might be aware of, or want to admit to. This week I had the disturbing pleasure of coming in contact with that of the latter.

I have a student (well technically I have 23) in my class. She is 20% servant hearted, 40% attitude, with another 40% full of drama. There are days where I just don't know what to do with her, but nothing could be comparable to that of this week.

Wednesday, morning recess, I come to gather my children to go inside for their next lesson. Two of my girls come running up to me. "Ms. Jameson, Student A scratched Student C!" I checked Student C's arm. Student A hadn't scratched Student C, no...she had pinched her so hard that the other student began to bleed. I will say this flat out, Student A lies, a lot. So I had to gather my witnesses and hear the full story. I had a talking to with Student A and things were fine momentarily.

Wednesday, afternoon recess, I come to, once again, gather my students to go inside for their next lesson. Once again two girls come running up to me. "Ms. Jameson, Student A scratched Student H!" My lips pursed and I could feel the heat of frustration build inside of me. After all, we had just discussed the same situation hours prior. Student H's arm had the same mark as Student C's. I took her aside, took a deep breath and showed her the arms of the two students. "What is going on with you? Do you see this? You have physically hurt two of my students. Why would you do this?" Answer: big I-got-caught-so-I'm-going-to-look-sad eyes and a shrug.

Something was off, she had been mean before, but nothing like this. We made our way to Principal's office. I explained both situations and he rewarded her with a very suitable punishment.

Thursday, 8:00am, all of my ducklings and I travel in a line to Music. Once we stopped in front of the music room and lined-up, Student K comes running up to me with tears streaming down his face and his right wrist craddled in his left arm. "Miss Jameson!" I must admit, some of his pleas have fallen on deaf ears. Not because I don't care, but because he is an avid tattle tale. This time was different, he looked in pain and truly scared. "Miss Jameson, Student A twisted my wrist really hard!" I gave her a piercing stare, called her over and brought them into the classroom.

Me: "Why is he crying?"
Student A: *shrug* "I don't know"
Student K: "Yes you do, you twisted my arm really hard for no reason!"
Me: "Why do you keep hurting my students?"
Student A: *shrug* "I don't know"
Me: "That's not good enough, I want a reason."
Student A: *shrug*

All three of us made our way to Principal's office once again. Student K gave his side and I had him return to Music. We closed the door and the intervention began. One thing that I've come to respect Principal for is that he can be calm and stern at the same time. He talked with Student A about what she had been doing and why she had been doing it. He also asked me if there was something else she had a problem with. I told him that she had told me the day before that she was afraid of something at home. Not someone, but something. She explained that she would see curtains shake but there would be nothing behind them and her cousin would just all of the sudden start shaking for no reason. She also told us about how her cousins would tell her terrible things to scare her. As her explaination continued she cried, hard and her breaths became shorter. With each word her sobs would become more and more extreme, causing her to have to gasp for air multiple times, it was scary. I have never seen someone cry like that before and hope to never see it again.

All I could think about was Satan and his demons working in her house and her family. He's alive and will do all he can to be a terror. Principal and I said the best way to make this stop is to ask God to help her and save her. He is the great protector. We told her how much we care about her and love her and that we would be praying for her. She took a deep breath and walked out of the office. Principal and I sat for a second.

Principal: "There is a lot of that on the Island you know."
Me: "Spiritual warfare?"
Principal: "Yeah, it's real and it's everywhere."

I've asked this before, but I'll ask it again, please pray for the island and its people...it needs it so much more than you could know.

Island Mist

It rained this evening. Actually, it's been raining almost every evening since I got here, but I can do anything but complain.

I love rain. I think I've grown to love it even more since I've been living here. Do I get tired of it? Yes, but who doesn't get tired of the same type of weather over and over again?

Island rain is different.

As I was sitting on my couch I heard a shower of water droplets begin to dance on the top of my apartment's tin roof. Outside I rushed. A much welcomed breeze kissed my clamy face as I felt the mist of the evening rain. Down it came, a wall of precipitation. I stood on my balcony and watched. Rain has always given me a feeling of comfort. I'm not sure why, but it always makes me happy. Harder it poured and I stretched out my arms. Water beaded up and cooled my skin as it entered every pore on my forearm. I took a deep breath and a familiar smell of freshness filled my senses.

Like home.

Musings from a Three Year Old

I live two doors down from a three year old and I can't help but wish that sometimes I could be more like her. Despite her constant energy and minimal cares, I think one of the things that I admire most about her is her inability to judge others.

"She never meets a stranger!" is what her mama and daddy always say and, after observing her interact with others, I couldn't help but agree. Of what I can tell she doesn't care who they are, where they're from, or what they've done...in her eyes everyone deserves to be loved. Physical appearance plays no part.

Her love for people creeped into my mind yesterday as I was reading the book You Are Special by Max Lucado to my students during their Bible lesson. It's about a small town filled with wooden people and they stick stars on the people they like and dots on the people they don't. One small wooden man was filled with dots and as more dots were stuck to his body, the sadder he became. As I was reading, mentally, this hit me hard. I've known people who have been teased and hurt so badly that they start to believe they are worthless and take drastic measures. Sticks and stones can break bones, but I think words and judgements cause the most damage.

Although we are all different, we come from the same creater. We are all made in His imagine. No one deserves to be "dotted" or judged unfairly because of something someone else said or the way he or she looks. After all, as Max Lucado points out in his book, the only thing in life that matters is what God thinks.

Now I leave you with this verse from Proverbs 31:30:
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a [person] who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Forgery and Forgiveness on a Friday Afternoon

During these first few weeks of school I've found  that I've been focusing a lot on discipline and keeping my students in line. Teaching them to not only respect me but each other has played a key part in my daily lessons. Yet after today I found that when it comes to students, sometimes being understanding can go miles farther than being stern.

Each day I have my kids turn in their homework folders and I go through each one, taking out papers and seeing who did or did not complete their assignments. I came across a folder of one of my students who had had a bad habit of forgetting to do parts of his assignments or not turning them in at all. As I sifted through his work I found a paper with a suspicious looking parent signature. I called him over to my desk and asked him about it. After a few lies he finally confessed that he had signed it. I met Principal outside and the three of us marched to his office.
I handed him the paper and I explained what had happend. Principal asked my student about it and he was truthful. Instead of yelling though, Principal spoke gently but directly. Although he made it clear that what he did was wrong, not once did he raise his voice. Composure was all about him. As Principal continued I saw tears begin to well in my student's eyes.

Now, I've gotten to a point where I'm immune to pouting and crocodile tears, but this was different. I could tell that the realization of what he did was wrong had hit him harder than I expected. It hurt me to watch him get in trouble and see him feel so bad. An experience I've never had before. He then turned to me (I still can't get the picture of his face out of my head), with tears streaming from his brown, almond shaped eyes he said in a shakey voice, "I'm sorry Ms. Jameson." I swallowed hard as I told him I forgave him.

As we left the office he gave me a hug and I walked him to P.E. Parents have told me that things are different when you have your own kids because you raise them and they're part of you. I think the same goes for when you have your own students. You love them and want whats best for them, eventhough they're not biologically yours. Although there are times where they deserve to be in trouble, it's always hard to see them hurting.

Thanks to that short, twenty minute office visit my heart is a little softer.

This One is For Mom and Dad

I've been working at SCS for almost a month now. Needless to say I've gotten to know my students better and better as each day and week slip by. With each student comes a story, a family, and a history. After learning more and more about my second graders, I can't help but thank my own parents.

So, Mom and Dad, this one is for you.

Thank You

Thank you for your discipline.
It has shaped me to be the responsible and conscious of right and wrong.
It also shows me that you really do care.

Thank you for your high standards and high expectations.
They have motivated me to give my full effort in everything and not just settle for my best, but better than my best.
They have also taught me to be driven and do all I can to succeed.

Thank you for having a stable, Christian marriage.
It has shown me that, with help from God, two people can stay together and love each other.

Thank you for teaching me to respect my elders, others, and myself.
Being a teacher, I wish more parents taught it to their kids.

Most importantly,
Thank you for your love and support.
You've always been there for advice and input.
You've been a shoulder to cry on and a pair to laugh with.

I love you guys.

Help!

Torquise tinted waves crash up along beaches with white-sand so soft it cushions your feet as you walk along its edges. In and out roll the tide underneath the green palms as their long leaves bend down to shade you from the island sun. Paradise? You might say that. Little would one know that what lies beneath the beautifully sugarcoated tourist exterior of Saipan is a reality that is deeper and darker than that of the omnipresent ocean.

There's really no other way to say this but that Saipan is in need of doctors, desperate need of doctors. According to an article in the Saipan Tribune, we can expect to have a total of only twelve physicians on island by the end of the year. You may be asking yourself, what's with the sudden decrease in medical staffing? It's simple, they're not getting paid. Due to problems with debt and poor billing strategies (as well as deeper government issues that I feel too uneducated about to discuss) our physicians have endured, as they call it, multiple "payless paydays." Therefore causing many to leave island. Pastor JW and his wife, AW, are expecting a child in about 2 months, unfortunately due to the lack of health professionals (and some wise words from the only OBGYN left on the island, yes, I said ONLY) their remaining option is to fly to Guam. It's hard to help anyone when there aren't proper tools or medical staff. You might also be wondering where our Mayor is during all of this. Don't worry...he's in Florida (heavy sarcasm).

Now this may be a shot in the dark, but I know that even dark places have light. As a bunch of us were getting ready for a game night at the W's, Pastor JW mentioned that probably the only way to get doctors on this island would be via missionary physicians. That of course being because they raise their own salaries. I don't know how many people this blog reaches, but I'm hoping it's more than I think. If you are a missionary with a medical background, or know of one, I humbly ask that you please prayerfully consider Saipan's situation. I know that there are hundreds of thousands of people in Africa, Asia, South America, etc...who need medical attention as much as we do, if not more. But the scary part of all of this is that if all of our doctors leave, what's going to happen to the island? I don't even know how many people know where or what Saipan is.

Please pray for the island, it needs it more than you know. Not only for this, but multiple other hidden reasons as well.

It's the Little Things

For the first time in over a month I really saw stars tonight.

Now that may sound silly, because obviously they've been burning brightly billions of light years away this whole time. Yet for some sad, unexplainable reason it's as if I had forgotten they even existed.
Nothing (that I've seen) can compare to that of a mid-west sky filled with stars. One of my favorite things to do at Dordt was find a relatively secluded aread and just sit and look at the night sky. It seemed to stretch for miles and no matter how hard I'd squint I would never be able to see all of them.

Unfortunately with the busy-ness and distraction of summer and a new job, I have neglected my galactic getaway. That is, until this evening.

Six of us packed into a car with windows rolled down. I felt the humid air float along my face as we zoomed down the road at a speedy 45 mph (the average speed limit is about 35). As my eyes passed lush greenary, sketchy looking convienent stores, and booney dogs...I looked up.

Staring back at me were stars. Beautiful, shimmering stars. The same stars I had seen in Iowa, Washington, Minnesota, Indiana, El Salvador, and the multiple other places I've been to. I couldn't help but smile.

They were (and still are) thousands upon thousands of millions of trillions of reminders that God is with me, no matter where I go.

Less Self

Today was definitely more than a case of the Mondays.
I woke this morning 5 minutes prior to my alarm. Scuffing across my laminate floors I made my way into the bathroom, flicked on the light and was somewhat startled by the thing staring back at me. Messy bed head and a clamy looking face with tired looking eyes sat framed in my mirror. One word could describe such an atrocity: Monday.

I tamed my hair into a braid, pulled on the most comfortable dress I own and once again made the jont over to my classroom. Still, morning improvement was nowhere to be found. My spread sheet of lessons wouldn't print correctly and I soon realized that I left all of my phonics lessons in my apartment. It felt like my day was over even before it started.

Soon my kids all filed in. Behavior wise they started out great, but the steady downward spiral of naughty soon began to take hold of them. It even got to a point where I had them put their heads on their desk for ten minutes in silence so that everyone could calm down and I could regain my sanity.

As funny as this may sound it's days like today that I can't help but appreciate (after I experience it of course). I need to be reminded that in teaching, it's not about me. My first priority in teaching is my students. Granted they do need structure and discipline, but they also need grace and compassion. They need a teacher who is going to give them every chance to succeed and love them even when they're being unruly.

If you think about it we're all like second graders and God is our teacher. We're egocentric, constantly asking Him things, easily distracted, have trouble listening to Him, sometimes chose not to listen to Him, and get upset when He does something we don't like because He knows what's best for us.

If God can put up with all of humanity being like that, I can certainly handle 21 6-8 year olds.

Tomorrow is a new day and I will look at them as a new class.

Second Grade (In)Sanity

It is currenty 10:10 on the eve before the weekend after my first week as a second grade teacher. Every atom inside of my body is drained of adrenaline, but I just can't sleep yet.

The fact that I have a load of laundry going may be part of it, but that's beside the point.

To say this week was a learning process would be an understatement, to say it was unbearable would be a bit dramatic. In all honesty the week itself is an insane blur of discipline, lessons, and the incessant ring of "Ms. Jameson!" coming from 21 mouths.

My students learned quickly that I am quite different than that of their teacher last year. Perhaps the fact that I actually disciplined them may be part of it. (Pastor JW even said I reminded him of an old schoolmarm...I just needed a ruler. Is it bad that I'm kind of proud of that?) They didn't cease to test me though. Routine things like lining up took multiple tries for them. Hand raising seemed like a new concept as was giving me their full attention when I was talking with them. I spoke strictly and confidently until my voice went hoarse, but as Friday inched closer and closer I could tell they were starting to catch on. When I asked my students to get into "listening position", within seconds all of their bodies sat up straight and their small hands folded infront of them. I saw more hands being raised than I heard voices. Some of them even asked my permission before they did the simplest things. They still have a long ways to go, and I did send a couple of them to the principal's office today. Nonetheless, seeing them all improve this much over a course of 5 days made me proud.

I think the most interesting part about this whole week was eventhough I've been strict, I had kids coming up and hugging me daily. I even heard a couple of kids after the first day say that they really like second grade. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I am the only source of discipline that some of these kids get. After all, kids need structure and someone who cares enough about them to tell them no. Whatever it is...I'll take it.

I end with nothing more but to once again say that God is good. He kept me strong through the first week and He'll hold my head up for the rest of this year and next. What lies between now and then, well, only He knows.

Ms. Ja...How Do You Say it Again?

First Day
First Time Teacher
First Thought...AHHHHH!

At roughly 6:30am I tiptoed my way down the stairs from my apartment and began my short 2 minute walk of a commute into life as a second grade teacher. Nerves? Butterflies? You don't know the half of it.

Dodging puddles as I made both my decent and journey, I couldn't tell myself enough to breathe. My classroom door inched ever closer as I reached into my bag for my keys. Looking up I saw a small girl of Asian decent (Korean I believe) sitting on the bench closest to the door. Slightly startled and a bit confused, I introduced myself. Her named matched one of the many on my roster and as I unlocked my door the reality of the day hit me. I'm going to be teaching 21 kids. By myself. Dear God, help me. Anxiously I paced my classroom, I saw more and more blackhaired heads join the girl on the bench. I could have sworn they were multiplying. Once the clock hit 7:30 I took a deep breath, opened the door, and began introductions.

Down the bench I made my way, shaking 21 hands of 21 children, learning 21 names in more than 21 seconds. Each child soon filed in, the knots in my stomach loosened and I felt like I could breathe again.

All I can say about this day is that God is good. I had been told that a lot of my kids were "a handful", but honestly I didn't have many problems at all. That was an answer to prayer in itself. I'm not sure if things went quite as smoothly as I would have hoped and some of my kids can't even prounounce my name but, like life, teaching is a learning process.  Thankfully tomorrow is another day.

Thank you all for your prayers and support! You have no idea how much they have helped :).

You Might Be Living in Saipan If...

So I've been living in Saipan for about two weeks now and I've come to find some funny little quirks about the island.

Enjoy!

You might be living in Saipan if...

-You're used to being sweaty and sticky all the time.
-You don't need to use hot water to shower.
-When you do want to use hot water you're hesitant to turn it on because power is so expensive.
-Eating out and buying groceries are pretty much the same price.
-Anything under the temperature of 80 now seems cold.
-Buying produce at the farmer's market is way cheaper and fresher than at the store.
-Any sort of dairy product is now considered a once in a while treat ($8 for a carton of ice cream my friends).
-You use all means possible to substitute for airconditioning because, once again, power is so expensive.
-The beach is literally a two minute walk away (well, for teacher housing at least).
-Bugs just don't phase you anymore (I've always found cochroachs to be slightly endearing anyways...).
-Payless is both a shoe and grocery store.
-You know the locations of at least one mango tree, one banana tree, and one coconut tree.
-You know what people mean when they say words or phrases like aircon, off the..., on the..., and grands.
-Figuring out a time to skype anyone in the states now takes much more math that it use to.
-You know what a flame tree is.
-When people talk about fishing you're not sure if it's with a speargun or a pole.
-Rice is now a staple in your diet.
-Being in teacher housing feels like being in college apartments again.
-You rarely miss a Thursday night street market.
Despite all of it's quirks, I have to say I love it and am very blessed to be here!

Unconventional Answers

I know that there are many people out there who insist on the fact that God is a myth. A figment. Some religious form of dogma that we Christians mindlessly follow.

I find that hard to be true when it is so obvious that He is so alive.

After 24 bug bites, shuffling through classroom papers, adjusting my pallete to a spicer diet, adjusting to time, and just adjustig, I have almost made it through my first week on the island. Eventhough I've already been here about 6ish days I've already had confirmation from God that I am indeed doing the right thing by being here.

Flash back to yesterday. It was my fourth day working in the classroom and I had already gotten word that three of my students were, to put it nicely, "naughty." On top of that I was struggling to keep my head above stacks of curriculum that were as deep as the ocean across from the playground. I think my biggest problem though was feeling that I needed to do everything the same as the teacher before me did...eventhough our styles are like apples and oranges. Stress. Worry. Concern. I expressed my fears to Principal and he was so understanding. I think the best thing he said to me and kept saying was "You do it your own way. You don't have to answer to anybody but God, and me, but even I have to answer to God." Though talking with him did help, it didn't calm my thoughts completely.

After spending some time relaxing in the water I came back and prayed. I asked God why I was here, why I was going to be stuck with the trouble class, and again why I was here.

That night we all went to the Thursday street fair in Garapan. It's a really neat experience. All the restaurants serve food for cheap, venders sell goods, and different groups of people come out to dance. AVH and I were walking our way through some booths and out of nowhere these two girls came up to us.

They said they were both 19. One was from the Netherlands and the other was from England but they both went to a Bible college in Australia and were on the island for missions with YWAM. They asked us where we were from and we told them that we were recent locals who came to teach. Our conversation continued for a bit until one girl felt the Spirit move her to pray for us. With our eyes closed and heads bowed they placed their hands on us and I felt a feeling of calm spill over me. After they had finished praying the Dutch girl began giving us words of encouragment, however these words were different. It was like God was speaking through her. She said something along the lines of "You are here for a reason, you are going to teach and bless those children, you are meant to be here." My arms began to tickle with goosebumps...all I could think about were the questions I had prayed to God mere hours prior to our meeting. The girls left and AVH and I just looked at each other...it had been a God moment for both of us.

Today I walked into my classroom with my head a little higher and a new-found confidence in my heart. This is my class.

GOD LIVES. GOD LOVES. GOD LISTENS.

Seaing God

Little can be compared to that of the sea.

As I stood ankle deep on the shores of Garapan this evening I was hypnotized by the ripples that formed on the surface of the water. The shallow waves made it look as if it were a body breathing. Up and down the water pulsed as it swallowed my lower legs, almost as if to be a mouth that hadn't eaten in days. But at the same time, it was so gentle. Peaceful even. Time seemed to stop as I watched the separate shades of blue-green water fade into each other. It didn't matter which color was which, the ony thing that mattered was that they ended up in the same place.

Whenever I'm around a body of water feelings of calm flood through me. I feel like it's where I can connect most with God. It brings me peace, serenity, and awe. I feel like it represents so much of who He is. The ocean has the ability to be powerful and gentle. Though, no matter how safe it may appear, we always know that what it can do is out of our control. Yet every inch of it breathes life. But unlike the everchanging waters of the Pacific (or any ocean) our God is always the same. He loves us. I think everytime I dig my feet into a sandy beach I fall inlove with Him all over again.

Culture Shock

So last time I blogged I was sitting in an airport in Japan, now I'm sitting on a chair in my apartment in Saipan.

The End

Oh wait...nevermind.

Yesterday seems like such a whirlwind! Honestly I couldn't believe it was the same 24 hour time period.

I landed in Saipan at about 12:30am. My flight overall went well and quickly, the fact that I pretty much slept the whole time probably had something to do with it. It took about 15-20 minutes total to get through customs and I walked out the door into a sea of humidity. The face of my principal (we'll call him...Principal) and his daughter were standing with smiling faces, open arms, and welcoming words. After a long flight it was good to feel such warmth from people. We made our way to the school and they helped me take my bags up to my apartment. I had never been so thankful to walk into an airconditioned building before. After they left I felt like I could do anything but sleep. Excitement and jet lag will do that to a person I suppose. Eventually, at about 4am, my eyes lids became heavy and I drifted off with the sounds of the Phillipine Sea behind me.

After a suprisingly restful four hours of sleep (no sarcasm) I walked to the balcony outside my door. Enveloped in heat, I looked to my left and saw my neighbors come out to greet the day. Being all former Dordt students gave us an instant connection. My immediate neighbor (we'll call her AVH) and I had had a couple education classes together. A few doors over live my sister's former roommate (we'll call her AVE) and her husband (we'll call him NVE). After chatting with them, unpacking, and a quick trip to the store I was ready for some quality exploration time.

AVH and I head down to the beach. The scenery in itself is breath taking. Beaches with sand so soft that they cushion your feet when you walk on it. My toes happily sunk themselves into the Phillipine Sea and were please to find that, unlike the bodies of water that I'm familiar with, the temperature was amazingly warm. Almost like bath water. As our sandy footprints continued I couldn't help but feel a bit of healthy culture shock. I still can't believe that I was given the priviledge and opprotunity to live here. God has blessed me with so much already and now He has given me the gift of life on a tropical island.

It's cool to see His creation in different parts of the world. How creative and inventive He is is really awe inspirig for me. Even after a day in Saipan I can't get over how rich his pallet of colors are, definitely a feast for the eyes.

I was reminded of this again after the first snorkeling excursion AVE, AVH, and I went on. As the rain drops danced on the water's surface, the three of us were sticking our goggle-covered faces in the sea. For the sake of sounding uneducated, it was basically like Finding Nemo in real life! Fish of all different shapes, sizes, and colors darted back and forth, I even saw a school of small, black fish. After a little bit (and a couple mouths full of saltwater) we traveled to a different section of beach and just sat in the water letting the small waves move our bodies in every which way.

Time passed as we talked on our marine couch. A local teen came up and offered us a plate full of chips and dip from their dinner. It was funny because at first he wasn't sure if we spoke English or not. (There are a lot of Russians who come to this Island for vacation...and darn it all if all of us white people don't look a like :p.) After we greeted him he seemed relieved that we had a langauge in common. This was another cultural moment for me, I had never had a complete stranger come up to me and offer me some of their food. Well unless you count the people who give out free samples at the grocery store. AVE said that instances like this happen very often. After we finished our snack we went and talked to the grandmother of the teen who had fed us. She was a great lady to talk to, super funny too.

Soon we gathered our belongings and made our way back home and got ready for dinner. NVE and another teacher (we'll call him W) are avid spearfishermen and they both had caught two huge fish. The five of us made our way up to Garapan to cook them with a bunch of other people. The food we made was delicious, it was definitely a welcoming dinner to say the least.

Now I sit at 7:18 in the morning in my quiet apartment on Sunday waiting for time to pass before church starts. I'm not sure what today will hold, but I'm ok with that...I'm on island time now ;).

The Journey Thus Far

I am currently sitting on the floor next to a large pillar in the Tokyo Airport. Not due to lack of seats, but due to the fact that it's the only place where I could find an appropriate plug-in. (Again...first world problems.) After 9 1/2 hours in an airplane I couldn't help but write another blog post.

My flight overall went well, in all honesty I don't remember much of it. I will say it went faster than I had anticipated. After a few victories (and defeats) in my computer generated version of Mahjong, along with some solitare on the side, it didn't take long until they said it was time to "prepare for arrival." Three of a traveler's most loved words. Overall a relaxing ride...though my semi-swollen toes could rival that of a Little Smokey at the moment.

This airport is like one I've never been to. It's big, beautiful, and bold (cue Clinton Kelly from What Not to Wear). So artistic, modern, and simple at the same time. Then again...it is Japan. Behind me is a lounge area with splatter painted panels and large square couches with sleeping (yes I said sleeping) humans sprawled around. A rather ingenious idea I think. They have a little bit of everything here, including rooms to sleep and shower in. Those should probably be introduced in the states...just saying.

2 hours until my flight takes off.
5 hours until I arrive in Saipan.

Are we there yet?

It's Only a Matter of Hours Now...

So things are finally feeling real. I'm sitting at my gate in Sea-Tac and after much fiddling with the internet connection I finally am able to connect to my blog. (First world problems.)

My flight to Japan boards in about an hour in a half and, being the writer that I am, I couldn't help but feel a bit inspired. Airports come with all sorts of different people and problems. I'm happy to say that I haven't encountered the latter...yet. But have you ever just sat and watched the environment that this place produces? Hundreds upon hundreds of people fighting their way through crowds just to hurry up and sit. In the whole scheme of things it can be relatively humorous...unless, of course, you're the one who's flight is about to take off in the F Gates and you're still all the way in A. There is one aspect that I find particularly funny about Sea-Tac though. As many of you may know we Seattlites take our coffee drinking seriously. Heck there's even a statistic stating that we average about four cups a day per person...but I digress. As I was walking past various Starbucks and Seattle's Bests I couldn't help but find the length of the lines at each place to be unnaturally long. One would almost think these people feared they would never see coffee again! It made me smile though, this place has been home to me my whole life and I can't help but love it.

Now I sit, waiting to board my plane to the next adventure of my life. I'm not nervous, scared, or worried. Instead I feel comfortable in knowing that I'm doing to right thing. God showed me months prior that this is where my destination (for now) is meant to be. So I followed. A tad bit uncertain, but nontheless I followed. He knows what He's doing and why, it's just my job to obey.

This verse has been playing on repeat in my head for the past week and I can't help but find it appropriate:

"For I now the plans that I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

-Jeremiah 29:11

His plans are greater than mine...so why would I fight Him?

Well, I'm off to fullfill my Seattlite duties and buy one last drink from Seattle's Best. Afterall, who can resist a Cocoa Trio?

Breathe

Worry is a silent killer.

It stems from an outside source and creeps its way into the bodies of its unsuspecting victims. Upwards it spreads past the spinal cord and into the thoughts of one's mind. As it begins to stir negative feelings and anxiety within its prey the muscle's of said being begin to tighten, at times even spasm. Down the body it slithers into the stomach where it disrupts the bile of said organ. Back and forth it sloshes, at times even creating sores so intense that food is rarely kept down. All due to, again, and uncontrollable outside source.

Why am I writing about this? Well let me explain...

First and foremost it feels like forever since I've written and my fingers have been craving some quality typing time. But more importantly, I've found that worry can become a heavy burden to bear. Where will I work? Where will I live? How will I afford anything when I have college loans spilling out of my ears? For me personally the latter of the three thoughts has reared its ugly head more times than I would appreciate. This past week though I've found and decided that worry, although very natural, can become quite a pointless emotion.  Getting one's self all up in a tizzy about uncontrollable circumstances (especially when relating to the long-term future) does nothing but make the situation more unbearable.

God has really showed me the importance of trust and letting go. Money has been something I feel has weighed relatively heavy on my mind lately. I emailed D about it this past week and he sent me this verse:

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

-2 Corinthians 9:8

I will always have what I need and I will always be taken care of. I just need to trust and pray...always pray. Prayer is one of the most powerful things a person can do. I've seen miracles you wouldn't believe happen because of prayer. Whether it's in tongues or one's own language, it's one of the most intimate ways to connect with God.

Another verse that comes to mind is this:

Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.
-1 Peter 5:7

He cares for us. The maker of the universe and all of humanity cares for us and wants to carry our burdens and concerns so that we don't have to.

If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Kit-Kat

Today I was given a gift. One that wasn't wrapped up in shiny paper, ribbons, or covered in bows. No today I was given the gift of time.

My boss gave me a two hour lunch break (believe me I was pretty surprised too).

I figured the smartest way to spend the first part of it was eating, after all it is a lunch break. So the CR-V and I made our way to Subway. As the vinegar from every pickle-filled bite of my sandwich made its way onto my taste buds the epiphany that I could take as much time as I like popped into my head. Heck, I could spend a whole nother hour here if I wanted! An odd realization, I often find that I am subconsciously gobbling up my food quickly in hopes of moving on to the next activity as soon as humanly possible. Proper digestion is for the weak.

But I digress.

After leisurely finishing my meal I made my way to the library for a quick email check. I kind of snickered at myself for doing so. You have two hours to do whatever you want and all you care about is checking your Facebook and email right now? Come on woman! After finding that no life changing events had happened in the online world I decided to support my local vending machine and buy myself a Kit-Kat.

This chocolate bar and I go way back. It has been my favorite (or at least in the top five) candy treat since I can remember. I don't eat them the normal way though. No, I take off the wrapper and begin to gnaw away at the chocolate until nothing but the wafer center is exposed. A similar ritual is done when a 3 Musketeers and I meet up as well.

My cavity-increasing snack and I made our way out to the court yard, down the steps, and to the entrance of the park. It's the kind of park where you could stare for miles and you still won't be able to see it all. My eyes traced over every lush, green, grass-covered hill. Soon they smoothed their way down every warm concrete path. I took a deep breathe and just watched. The sun warmed my back and brisk breezes sailed by. My favorite part about this park is that they have benches placed on both the eastern and western sides so that the sun can be seen both rising and setting.

It has been a crazy couple weeks. I graduated, had D over for a couple days, went to a friend's wedding, found out one of my close friend's mom is dying, started working, spent quality time with family, and still can't wrap my head around the fact that I'll be living on an island for the next two years.

I can't help but praise God for the days like today where I can just take time to focus on the moment and not whats to come.

Welp, It's Official!

I have officially been offered a job as a second grade teacher at Saipan Community School!

I know what you're probably thinking, Sai-what? Saipan is the largest of the Marina Islands, which are located north of Guam and south of Japan. Although it may be the largest, the area of it is only about 45 square miles (about 116 square kilometers for those of you metric system users).

Now that I've given you a brief geography lesson (you're welcome) let's continue.

It's kind of funny how this whole application process has worked itself out. God definitely had something up His sleeve. I applied to the school a few months a go. My sister and brother-in-law taught there a couple of years back and I thought it would be a fun experience. Unfortunately I soon received an email from the principal saying that all the positions were filled. Although I was disappointed I pressed on and continued looking for another hopeful.

Fast-forward to about two weeks ago.

It's merely hours after graduation and I receive an email from the same principal saying that they are in need of a second grade teacher. In all honesty I wasn't 100% sure if I wanted to teach there anymore. It would be far and second grade seemed so young. After much discussion with loved ones and prayers I told the principal I would go for it. We had an interview via Skype yesterday and once we were done he sent me an email offering me the job. Complete with an attached contract.

Am I excited?: Very
Nervous?: Yeah
Scared?: A bit

But I know God has a plan, and I know this experience will be great.

And don't worry...the blog will continue while I'm there ;).

Airplane Musings

Currently I am writing this message from thousands of feet up in the air. Wedged between two fellow passengers I sit with a stuffed lion peeking through the cracks of the chairs in front of me. No worries though, he seems pretty tame.

In my many times of flying in an airplane I’ve found that there are certain aspects of aviation travel that kind of make me laugh. Take for example the bathrooms.

Let me explain.

Despite their 1x1 square foot area, these lavatories kind of have a sense of humor to them. Most notable is the toilet. It’s almost as heart attack worthy as pre-made Pillsbury dough that comes in a tube. Although they don’t pop in your face, one could run the risk of getting sucked-in and dropped-out of the plane! Then there’s the ashtray. I’m not sure if any of you have noticed this, but on the foldable bathroom door there is a small, metal ashtray. Even though there are constant signs and warnings about the illegality of puffing in the restroom, they still provide a place for those rebellious airplane smokers who just can’t wait to get their fix. It’s as if they’re saying, “Despite the constant warnings we go on and on about, we’ll give you an ashtray just in case.” How kind. Thank you airplane people, I’m sure all of the non-existent airplane smokers appreciate it ;D.

But all sarcasm aside…at least for now.

As I was playing solitaire, I found that it’s a lot like life. (Down with the eyebrows and off with the smirks. I have a point.) We start with piles of cards; lets pretend like those are the options and choices we are given in life. We begin working with one of the piles and mix them in with other piles. Then we get to a point where we’re stuck. Hmmm, the ace I need is hiding under this one stack of cards that I can’t quite move yet. Now what? However, right under our nose is hiding a different stack , a better stack, a stack that could improve the game by leaps and bounds. Now, let’s switch gears back to reality. Every day God gives us opportunities. It is up to us whether we take them or not. As humans we may think we know what's best and, like solitaire, we will try to take control. We may think it works for a while but eventually we will get stuck. God has a better plan sitting right under our noses, the one that will help us get all of the suits in the correct piles.

So, be willing to take risks.

If you mess up, try again,

Life can't be reshuffled, but there are always more chances.

Be willing to listen to others who care, even if it’s not what you want to hear.
Don’t sit around and wait for the perfect “card” to be dealt to you.

If you hear God calling you to do something do it,

If it’s part of His plan I can guarantee it is going to happen anyway.

Fifty-four minutes left of my flight

Twenty-two of which my battery will survive.
I’ll see you in Seattle.

What a Day

As I sit in my relatively chilly, concrete box of an apartment, I can't help but to feel a bit sentimental.

Sunday. I'm pretty sure this week it should have been renamed to sensitive day. This morning one of my friends preached at church (did a kicker of a job at that!) and there was a part in his sermon where he did nothing but stress the fact that God will provide.

I graduate in 5 days with no job.
Needless to say stress levels, emotions, and frustrations are high.
But...

God will provide.
Three words that I have heard so often but don't seem to take seriously.

I've turned in what seems like countless applications and have heard the "Thanks for your work but..." just about as much. But I know that God will provide, I just need to keep looking. I don't know what God has in store for me for my coming job. A scary thought, but I need to keep the faith.

It was the last GIFT tonight too.

All of the seniors lined up in front of the BJ Haan. People who I had grown so close with greeted me with tight hugs and heartfelt prayers. I tried my best not to cry, but all hope for that was lost when I saw the red, welling eyes of my peers smiling back at me.

I will be honest, there have been times where I questioned why I came to this college. It's expensive, extremely conservative, and in the middle of nowhere. But then it's nights like tonight where I remember the community. When one creates relationships as strong as the ones I've made over the years concerns of money, politics, and location seem to melt away.

Done

Music of my alarm rang out this morning and as my eyes opened the only thing on my mind was the fact that my student teaching experience was about to come to a close.

My carpool and I trekked our way down the never ending IA country roads that led us to our final day. Our final day of working with our students. Our final day of lesson plans (well for now). Our final day at Rock Valley Community School.

I opened the heavy, library door and walked into the ESL room. Stuffing my bag into the cupboard I figured this day would be like any other, I didn't expect anything special, my goal was to finish.

As I sat preparing for the non-existent lessons I had for the day CT popped in and we began talking. She asked me how I felt, what I had planned for after graduation, etc...Soon my student came and she stepped out for a bit, only to come back minutes later with a bowl full of snack mix and a Tupperware full of cookies. That's not where the surprises ended though. She left a second time and brought with her a brown colored gift bag decorated with sparkly dots and stripes. I couldn't help but smile.

I opened my package and inside lay a plack with the word "Hope" painted on it in cursive letters. Underneath it read Choose to see through the optimistic eyes. My smile widened and my heart was warmed.

The rest of the day consisted of games with students, a pizza lunch, and hugs...I have to admit, I will miss the sounds of broken English voices :).

Overall I would say that my experiences as an education student and student teacher have been positive. Despite the frustrations and tears that went along with it, I know that if I could do it all over again I think I would.

For those of you considering education...

It's not easy, despite what the rumors may be.

You will be judged both fairly and unfairly, 

You will need to be almost contortionist-like in order to get through some of the hoops you need to jump through.

But don't give up it will be worth it.

You will get stressed.
You will get exhausted.

But you will come out stronger and more prepared because of it.

Don't take every snippy thing your students say to you to heart.

Most of the time they don't mean it,

Plus, their frontal lobes aren't fully developed anyways.

But enforce respect.
You deserve it.

Most importantly,

Love your students.
They may need it more than you think.

A Case of the Mondays

So begins the first day of my last week of student teaching. It's kind of a mix of a lot of feelings really. Excitement, relief, concern for the future, calm, and exhaustion, I know I'm a girl but even most girls don't have that many emotions at one time.

School is out for the day and I'm sitting with my middle school boys in the library as they read their way to their AR (accelerated reader) goals. It's been an interesting day overall, I suppose. In all honesty I really haven't done a whole lot, it's my last week so I'm pretty much out of the classroom. I'm still teaching our elementary group in the morning though, which is fun. I introduced them to the concept of board-races, a game that many of my teachers played when I was younger.

Basically there are two people up at the board at a time and they race to write down the answer first. We play it where I say a word and they have to write down whether it has a short vowel or long vowel sound. I played it with them once and now they can't get enough. Wait...does this mean learning can be fun?

I heard back from Worthington today...another rejection.
I will admit I'm disappointed, it would have been a sweet job.
But God has a plan, something else will come up.

Peaceful Days and Interview Praise

There's something about today that really has given me a sense of calm. Maybe its the way the rain paints lines across my window, or how it dances softly on my roof. All I know for sure is that for some reason today is a day of serenity.

Even my 7th grade boys were low-key.

I know it's been about a week or so since I've blogged, but in all honesty there isn't much to tell. I finished up my full-time student teaching portion of my session and am currently on the downhill slope. My days are relatively simple now. In the actual classroom I teach an elementary group in the morning and then I move on to small groups in the library throughout the day. It's a nice way to slowly fade out from my position.

On Monday I'll meet with my supervisor one last time to go over my assignments and professional portfolio. It's weird to think that I'll be done after next week, I will admit I am ready though. The possibility of having my own classroom some day excites me!

In other news...

I had an interview up in Worthington, MN the other day and I think it went well. It was kind of an interesting experience getting there though. Highway 60 was closed so I got to play the "blindly-find-the-school" game. Luckily I had the principal's number and she was more than happy to lead me out of the dark. Getting lost was kind of a blessing though. Down each residential area I drove I noticed that the amount of Caucasian people were few to none. My small-town (turns out there's actually about 11-12,000 people there), Midwest assumptions that I had about this school were shattered. Excitement grew inside me.

I finally made it and the principal (we'll call her Principal E) walked out and greeted me with a smile. Being that we had a good chunk of time before the actual interview was scheduled, we hopped in her car and she gave me a tour. She told me that Worthington was the second most diverse city in the whole state of Minnesota. It was kind of funny because she said that she went with her daughter to a track meet in a relatively white area and her daughter asked, "Mom, where are all the black kids?" My excitement swelled even more. As we continued our tour I could immediately tell that a good majority of the city was on a lower socioeconomic scale. Principal E told me that when she started teaching at the school many of her students were on a free lunch plan. After hearing this I was eve more thrilled at what this job possibility might hold.

We made our way back and she gave me a tour around the school. It's a small building and all classes are split. If I get hired I will be teaching mainly 5/6, some 7/8, as well as 3/4. The board members came and we all made our way to the library. It was kind of strange because throughout the whole experience I really wasn't that nervous at all, which is a blessing in itself. After about an hour our time together was complete. Principal E walked me to the door and, with a handshake and a smile, we said our goodbyes.

I won't know for sure if I have the job until next week, but I know it is one that I would love to have. Being a minority for once and working with such a diverse (not only in ethnicity) group of students would be great. But if it's not meant to be, then I know God has something else planned. One of my roommates even said "If nothing else, at least it's practice!"

I'll keep you posted

Lessons Learned This Week:
-Interviews really aren't that scary, all you need is confidence.
-It's important to keep a good sense of humor with students.

Goals for Next Week:
-Finish strong.

True Love

This entry is not about student teaching, this entry is not about me, this entry is about the person who made the ultimate sacrifice.

Thursday night, 5:45 to be exact. I traveled with my roommates and a few friends to a church a few miles away from school for a Maudy Thursday service. (For those of you who are unfamiliar with Maundy Thursday, it is a remembrance of when Jesus broke bread with his disciples before he was crucified.) It was Lutheran church, much more conservative than what I am used to. The pastor had a white collar and I think about 75% of the congregation was over the age of 65. I wasn't really sure what to expect from this service.

The sanctuary was small with streams of color protruding from stain glassed windows. We sat in cushioned pews and an illuminated cross hung before us on the wall. Music began to flood out of an organ and songs spilled from our lips as we sang from a green colored hymnal. The pastor told us to be seated and he began his sermon. My eyes began to wander as he preached about the Last Supper. They bounced around until they saw a banner of Jesus with a small child. Any other night I wouldn't of have had a second thought about it. After all, it's a church, pictures of Jesus are everywhere. But for some reason this was different. The way He was looking at this child, it was as if they were having a discussion. I soon wondered, what would it have been like to talk with Him?

I couldn't stop looking at it. My mind was filled with pictures and possibilities of discussions that Jesus and I would have. What did His voice sound like? If He took my hand I bet his hand would be soft but strong, comforting and secure. If I hugged him how tightly would he hug back? Did he really look like the European idea that all of the pictures give us or would he be more middle Eastern? (My guess was always the latter). If I could talk with Him before the night he was nailed up on Golgotha, what would I say? Would there be words or would we sit shoulder to shoulder with the same worried thoughts going through our minds?

I switched my glance back to the pastor and before I knew it a wooden cross was standing up by the pulpit. Black cloths covered both it and the tables. My eyes bounced back to the picture of my savior.

He died so that I may live...so that everyone may live.

There are no words.

It's All About the Attitude

Well I'm working with high schoolers and junior highers...it was bound to happen eventually.

So CT and I have this student in our beginner's class who pretty much thinks he owns the moon (I'm not writing this post to bash him...that would be dumb). He's a good kid, he really is but his attitude could use some work. Next week is my full week of teaching and CT mentioned it to them during 4th period. I was elsewhere at the time, but CT told me his reaction. He threw his hands up in the air and made a disgusted noise. Now keep in mind he did it as a joke and I realize that, but still disrespectful nonetheless. I am the teacher, he is the student and that will be clear.

So I took him aside and we had a calm chat. It's always kind of funny at first when I ask students to come talk to me. They kind of freeze for a second at first and get either a deer-in-the-headlights or the "OMG she knows something" look (I mean c'mon, I'm a relatively small person...how scary can I be?). He was kind of quiet and apathetic during class but I think he got the message.

 I can't say I like working with secondary kids any less though, they're still a kick :).

On to something completely unrelated...

I leave you with a Bible passage from Matthew 6. We went over it in Sunday school last week and it really made me think about two things. First worrying is pointless and really does nothing but make people sick. Second, to think about what other "gods" I'm putting my faith in besides the one true God.

Read it, think about it, and have a fabulous weekend! 

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Do Not Worry

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

 Lessons Learned this Week:
-Not every student will like me.
-Patience is a virtue.

Goals for Next Week:
-Be super awesome at teaching ESL full-time for the first part of the week.
-Enjoy my upcoming 5 day weekend!

No Words

Everyone has a story. There's always something deeper than the dark, color-surrounded pupils of the eyes of whom we are so familiar.

I had no idea how deep these stories ran within the blood of my students. Yesterday CT and I sat down and she told me everything about their backgrounds and what their home-lives were like. Many go home at night to broken families with unsupportive, immature, or apathetic parents. No wonder some of their motivation is so low.

One of the main reasons why I want to be a teacher is so I can be a positive influence to those who don't have one. I'm not saying this to impress anyone, or make myself sound like a saint...because I'm not. I say it because for some kids (not just my students) school is the only safe, sane, stable place there is. I want to be a person that students feel comfortable talking with and can trust.

James 1:27 states:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Merely being there for a child is the bare minimum of what God expects me to do with my calling as a teacher.