I have to admit being a mom is much different than I imagined. It's definitely not to say that I ever imaged it to be a walk in the park (though we have gone on plenty of those), nor am I saying it's excruciating. What I am saying is that my expectations were more or less different than the dose of reality I've experienced. Now before I go further, know that I love our son and being a mom. However I believe life, media, etc...gives us false hopes of what motherhood looks like.
Expectation: You will never sleep....EVER!
Reality: You will sleep...SOMETIMES!
Honestly this is really dependent on the baby and his or her demeaner. David and I were blessed with a very mellow child. Though he does have his fussy moments, I can't say I have had the experience of staying up all night and day trying to calm a screaming child. (I am aware there are moms who have, and know that you're doing a great job and my prayers are with you.) Nonetheless, I have experienced what its like getting up multiple times in the night and then trying to take care of a tiny human, house, errands, animals, and the like while you run around on fumes and adrenalin all day. (Though I'm only on maternity leave, don't let anyone convince you that stay at home moms don't do anything.) For the sake of those around me, and my own sanity, I do my best to sleep when the baby sleeps. Cliche? Yes, but honestly I learned that the best thing I can do for my mental, emotional, physical, and family's health is to keep myself relatively rested.
Expectation: Postpartum will be easy.
Reality: Postpartum sucks.
I hate to word it like that, but honestly I don't think I have a more eloquent way to say it. Ask any mom how her postpartum days went and I am about 90% sure she would agree with me. For me, the weeks immediately following the birth of Baby S were more difficult than my induction, labor, and c-section combined. Dramatic you say? Physical pain is easily forgotten, emotions are not. Basically imagine going through puberty for a second time all while crying for no reason, being angry for no reason, and feeling so overwhelmed by all the energies and things around you that you don't feel functional. I even had to muster up all my courage to leave the house with our child. I am thankful that I had and still have my husband for support. Postpartum depression is a real thing and if it's something you feel like you are dealing with, please reach out to your OB or midwife. It's not a "This too shall pass." thing, you deserve to have a listening ear.
Expectation: It's all about you and the baby.
Reality: It's not.
I'll be honest, after having our child it was hard not to get a little self-centered. Everyone is giving you gifts, everyone wants to come see you and the baby, you are the one healing, you are the one dealing with postpartum junk. See the trend? Though all of that may be true, keep in mind that those around you have feelings and emotions too. Your support system deserves to have the same amount of understanding, patience, and respect as they did before.
And finally...
Expectation: You will love your baby.
Reality: You will LOVE your baby.
Though it may take a little time to bond with your new bundle of joy (it did for me...but it takes time for me to bond with anyone), once you do, I promise it will be the strongest you will ever feel. I never thought that I could love someone solely for existing. Its not something I can really explain.
Despite the messy parts, I am grateful to have taken on this role of motherhood. It's a blessing, a miracle, and definitely not something to take for granted.
If your heart hurts reading this either from and unfulfilled desire for, or loss of a child, know you are loved and prayed for. I promise God will bring him or her into your life when he or she is meant to be.
Saturday, May 12, 2018
Tuesday, May 1, 2018
Confessions of a C-Section Mom
Mother's Day is coming and in honor of my new "leap" (see what I did there? You know, because of the name of my blog? Anyways...moving on...) into motherhood I figured it would be fitting to do a short series on life as a new mama.
So I guess I could have technically titled this "Confessions of a New Mom," but I want to touch a little bit on the feeling of a C-section delivery. I'm not going to go in to too much detail, some of you might be weak stomached and honestly the whole thing is just really personal to me. But I guess the best thing I can say is that (no offense) in my humble opinion birth plans are kind of a unrealistic :). Ok so it helps you prepare, ok maybe it gives you comfort and piece of mind. Those are definitely all good things to have when bringing a tiny human in to the world. However, once I found out I needed to be induced, I knew things would be different than I could have imagined.
Long story short after a couple days of labor inducing meds, lack of dilation, and other frustrating happenings, we decided the best way to deliver for both the baby and myself would be a c-section.
Honestly it brought feelings in the form of relief and failure. Yes, I said failure. It was what I considered my very, very, very last resort. After not being able to have a water birth, I was determined to push our baby out of me with evey inch of my being. However, God gave me my first message that my life is no longer based around my wants anymore, but our son's. Before I knew it my husband and I were in the OR (which is a whole other story in itself...it wasn't pretty) and within time I heard the cries of my sweet baby boy and I too couldn't help but cry.
It wasn't until about an hour or so later that I got the chance to hold him. He had a short visit to the NICU due to fluid in his lungs (he's doing great now, you would have never known) and I was moved to my postpartum room. Once I did have him in my arms, I knew that it didn't matter how he was brought in to this world, I loved and will continue to love him fiercely.
I know people have their different opinions about c-sections. Some are even bold enough to say it's not truly a delivery (which is complete bull by the way). But know that if it`'s the type of birth that you need to have it does not make you a failure. It makes you a great mom because you're willing to go through anything to have your child brought into the world so he or she can be healthy.
P.S. Moms who have delivered vaginally, you rock too :)
So I guess I could have technically titled this "Confessions of a New Mom," but I want to touch a little bit on the feeling of a C-section delivery. I'm not going to go in to too much detail, some of you might be weak stomached and honestly the whole thing is just really personal to me. But I guess the best thing I can say is that (no offense) in my humble opinion birth plans are kind of a unrealistic :). Ok so it helps you prepare, ok maybe it gives you comfort and piece of mind. Those are definitely all good things to have when bringing a tiny human in to the world. However, once I found out I needed to be induced, I knew things would be different than I could have imagined.
Long story short after a couple days of labor inducing meds, lack of dilation, and other frustrating happenings, we decided the best way to deliver for both the baby and myself would be a c-section.
Honestly it brought feelings in the form of relief and failure. Yes, I said failure. It was what I considered my very, very, very last resort. After not being able to have a water birth, I was determined to push our baby out of me with evey inch of my being. However, God gave me my first message that my life is no longer based around my wants anymore, but our son's. Before I knew it my husband and I were in the OR (which is a whole other story in itself...it wasn't pretty) and within time I heard the cries of my sweet baby boy and I too couldn't help but cry.
It wasn't until about an hour or so later that I got the chance to hold him. He had a short visit to the NICU due to fluid in his lungs (he's doing great now, you would have never known) and I was moved to my postpartum room. Once I did have him in my arms, I knew that it didn't matter how he was brought in to this world, I loved and will continue to love him fiercely.
I know people have their different opinions about c-sections. Some are even bold enough to say it's not truly a delivery (which is complete bull by the way). But know that if it`'s the type of birth that you need to have it does not make you a failure. It makes you a great mom because you're willing to go through anything to have your child brought into the world so he or she can be healthy.
P.S. Moms who have delivered vaginally, you rock too :)
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