Breathe

Worry is a silent killer.

It stems from an outside source and creeps its way into the bodies of its unsuspecting victims. Upwards it spreads past the spinal cord and into the thoughts of one's mind. As it begins to stir negative feelings and anxiety within its prey the muscle's of said being begin to tighten, at times even spasm. Down the body it slithers into the stomach where it disrupts the bile of said organ. Back and forth it sloshes, at times even creating sores so intense that food is rarely kept down. All due to, again, and uncontrollable outside source.

Why am I writing about this? Well let me explain...

First and foremost it feels like forever since I've written and my fingers have been craving some quality typing time. But more importantly, I've found that worry can become a heavy burden to bear. Where will I work? Where will I live? How will I afford anything when I have college loans spilling out of my ears? For me personally the latter of the three thoughts has reared its ugly head more times than I would appreciate. This past week though I've found and decided that worry, although very natural, can become quite a pointless emotion.  Getting one's self all up in a tizzy about uncontrollable circumstances (especially when relating to the long-term future) does nothing but make the situation more unbearable.

God has really showed me the importance of trust and letting go. Money has been something I feel has weighed relatively heavy on my mind lately. I emailed D about it this past week and he sent me this verse:

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

-2 Corinthians 9:8

I will always have what I need and I will always be taken care of. I just need to trust and pray...always pray. Prayer is one of the most powerful things a person can do. I've seen miracles you wouldn't believe happen because of prayer. Whether it's in tongues or one's own language, it's one of the most intimate ways to connect with God.

Another verse that comes to mind is this:

Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.
-1 Peter 5:7

He cares for us. The maker of the universe and all of humanity cares for us and wants to carry our burdens and concerns so that we don't have to.

If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Kit-Kat

Today I was given a gift. One that wasn't wrapped up in shiny paper, ribbons, or covered in bows. No today I was given the gift of time.

My boss gave me a two hour lunch break (believe me I was pretty surprised too).

I figured the smartest way to spend the first part of it was eating, after all it is a lunch break. So the CR-V and I made our way to Subway. As the vinegar from every pickle-filled bite of my sandwich made its way onto my taste buds the epiphany that I could take as much time as I like popped into my head. Heck, I could spend a whole nother hour here if I wanted! An odd realization, I often find that I am subconsciously gobbling up my food quickly in hopes of moving on to the next activity as soon as humanly possible. Proper digestion is for the weak.

But I digress.

After leisurely finishing my meal I made my way to the library for a quick email check. I kind of snickered at myself for doing so. You have two hours to do whatever you want and all you care about is checking your Facebook and email right now? Come on woman! After finding that no life changing events had happened in the online world I decided to support my local vending machine and buy myself a Kit-Kat.

This chocolate bar and I go way back. It has been my favorite (or at least in the top five) candy treat since I can remember. I don't eat them the normal way though. No, I take off the wrapper and begin to gnaw away at the chocolate until nothing but the wafer center is exposed. A similar ritual is done when a 3 Musketeers and I meet up as well.

My cavity-increasing snack and I made our way out to the court yard, down the steps, and to the entrance of the park. It's the kind of park where you could stare for miles and you still won't be able to see it all. My eyes traced over every lush, green, grass-covered hill. Soon they smoothed their way down every warm concrete path. I took a deep breathe and just watched. The sun warmed my back and brisk breezes sailed by. My favorite part about this park is that they have benches placed on both the eastern and western sides so that the sun can be seen both rising and setting.

It has been a crazy couple weeks. I graduated, had D over for a couple days, went to a friend's wedding, found out one of my close friend's mom is dying, started working, spent quality time with family, and still can't wrap my head around the fact that I'll be living on an island for the next two years.

I can't help but praise God for the days like today where I can just take time to focus on the moment and not whats to come.

Welp, It's Official!

I have officially been offered a job as a second grade teacher at Saipan Community School!

I know what you're probably thinking, Sai-what? Saipan is the largest of the Marina Islands, which are located north of Guam and south of Japan. Although it may be the largest, the area of it is only about 45 square miles (about 116 square kilometers for those of you metric system users).

Now that I've given you a brief geography lesson (you're welcome) let's continue.

It's kind of funny how this whole application process has worked itself out. God definitely had something up His sleeve. I applied to the school a few months a go. My sister and brother-in-law taught there a couple of years back and I thought it would be a fun experience. Unfortunately I soon received an email from the principal saying that all the positions were filled. Although I was disappointed I pressed on and continued looking for another hopeful.

Fast-forward to about two weeks ago.

It's merely hours after graduation and I receive an email from the same principal saying that they are in need of a second grade teacher. In all honesty I wasn't 100% sure if I wanted to teach there anymore. It would be far and second grade seemed so young. After much discussion with loved ones and prayers I told the principal I would go for it. We had an interview via Skype yesterday and once we were done he sent me an email offering me the job. Complete with an attached contract.

Am I excited?: Very
Nervous?: Yeah
Scared?: A bit

But I know God has a plan, and I know this experience will be great.

And don't worry...the blog will continue while I'm there ;).

Airplane Musings

Currently I am writing this message from thousands of feet up in the air. Wedged between two fellow passengers I sit with a stuffed lion peeking through the cracks of the chairs in front of me. No worries though, he seems pretty tame.

In my many times of flying in an airplane I’ve found that there are certain aspects of aviation travel that kind of make me laugh. Take for example the bathrooms.

Let me explain.

Despite their 1x1 square foot area, these lavatories kind of have a sense of humor to them. Most notable is the toilet. It’s almost as heart attack worthy as pre-made Pillsbury dough that comes in a tube. Although they don’t pop in your face, one could run the risk of getting sucked-in and dropped-out of the plane! Then there’s the ashtray. I’m not sure if any of you have noticed this, but on the foldable bathroom door there is a small, metal ashtray. Even though there are constant signs and warnings about the illegality of puffing in the restroom, they still provide a place for those rebellious airplane smokers who just can’t wait to get their fix. It’s as if they’re saying, “Despite the constant warnings we go on and on about, we’ll give you an ashtray just in case.” How kind. Thank you airplane people, I’m sure all of the non-existent airplane smokers appreciate it ;D.

But all sarcasm aside…at least for now.

As I was playing solitaire, I found that it’s a lot like life. (Down with the eyebrows and off with the smirks. I have a point.) We start with piles of cards; lets pretend like those are the options and choices we are given in life. We begin working with one of the piles and mix them in with other piles. Then we get to a point where we’re stuck. Hmmm, the ace I need is hiding under this one stack of cards that I can’t quite move yet. Now what? However, right under our nose is hiding a different stack , a better stack, a stack that could improve the game by leaps and bounds. Now, let’s switch gears back to reality. Every day God gives us opportunities. It is up to us whether we take them or not. As humans we may think we know what's best and, like solitaire, we will try to take control. We may think it works for a while but eventually we will get stuck. God has a better plan sitting right under our noses, the one that will help us get all of the suits in the correct piles.

So, be willing to take risks.

If you mess up, try again,

Life can't be reshuffled, but there are always more chances.

Be willing to listen to others who care, even if it’s not what you want to hear.
Don’t sit around and wait for the perfect “card” to be dealt to you.

If you hear God calling you to do something do it,

If it’s part of His plan I can guarantee it is going to happen anyway.

Fifty-four minutes left of my flight

Twenty-two of which my battery will survive.
I’ll see you in Seattle.

What a Day

As I sit in my relatively chilly, concrete box of an apartment, I can't help but to feel a bit sentimental.

Sunday. I'm pretty sure this week it should have been renamed to sensitive day. This morning one of my friends preached at church (did a kicker of a job at that!) and there was a part in his sermon where he did nothing but stress the fact that God will provide.

I graduate in 5 days with no job.
Needless to say stress levels, emotions, and frustrations are high.
But...

God will provide.
Three words that I have heard so often but don't seem to take seriously.

I've turned in what seems like countless applications and have heard the "Thanks for your work but..." just about as much. But I know that God will provide, I just need to keep looking. I don't know what God has in store for me for my coming job. A scary thought, but I need to keep the faith.

It was the last GIFT tonight too.

All of the seniors lined up in front of the BJ Haan. People who I had grown so close with greeted me with tight hugs and heartfelt prayers. I tried my best not to cry, but all hope for that was lost when I saw the red, welling eyes of my peers smiling back at me.

I will be honest, there have been times where I questioned why I came to this college. It's expensive, extremely conservative, and in the middle of nowhere. But then it's nights like tonight where I remember the community. When one creates relationships as strong as the ones I've made over the years concerns of money, politics, and location seem to melt away.

Done

Music of my alarm rang out this morning and as my eyes opened the only thing on my mind was the fact that my student teaching experience was about to come to a close.

My carpool and I trekked our way down the never ending IA country roads that led us to our final day. Our final day of working with our students. Our final day of lesson plans (well for now). Our final day at Rock Valley Community School.

I opened the heavy, library door and walked into the ESL room. Stuffing my bag into the cupboard I figured this day would be like any other, I didn't expect anything special, my goal was to finish.

As I sat preparing for the non-existent lessons I had for the day CT popped in and we began talking. She asked me how I felt, what I had planned for after graduation, etc...Soon my student came and she stepped out for a bit, only to come back minutes later with a bowl full of snack mix and a Tupperware full of cookies. That's not where the surprises ended though. She left a second time and brought with her a brown colored gift bag decorated with sparkly dots and stripes. I couldn't help but smile.

I opened my package and inside lay a plack with the word "Hope" painted on it in cursive letters. Underneath it read Choose to see through the optimistic eyes. My smile widened and my heart was warmed.

The rest of the day consisted of games with students, a pizza lunch, and hugs...I have to admit, I will miss the sounds of broken English voices :).

Overall I would say that my experiences as an education student and student teacher have been positive. Despite the frustrations and tears that went along with it, I know that if I could do it all over again I think I would.

For those of you considering education...

It's not easy, despite what the rumors may be.

You will be judged both fairly and unfairly, 

You will need to be almost contortionist-like in order to get through some of the hoops you need to jump through.

But don't give up it will be worth it.

You will get stressed.
You will get exhausted.

But you will come out stronger and more prepared because of it.

Don't take every snippy thing your students say to you to heart.

Most of the time they don't mean it,

Plus, their frontal lobes aren't fully developed anyways.

But enforce respect.
You deserve it.

Most importantly,

Love your students.
They may need it more than you think.

A Case of the Mondays

So begins the first day of my last week of student teaching. It's kind of a mix of a lot of feelings really. Excitement, relief, concern for the future, calm, and exhaustion, I know I'm a girl but even most girls don't have that many emotions at one time.

School is out for the day and I'm sitting with my middle school boys in the library as they read their way to their AR (accelerated reader) goals. It's been an interesting day overall, I suppose. In all honesty I really haven't done a whole lot, it's my last week so I'm pretty much out of the classroom. I'm still teaching our elementary group in the morning though, which is fun. I introduced them to the concept of board-races, a game that many of my teachers played when I was younger.

Basically there are two people up at the board at a time and they race to write down the answer first. We play it where I say a word and they have to write down whether it has a short vowel or long vowel sound. I played it with them once and now they can't get enough. Wait...does this mean learning can be fun?

I heard back from Worthington today...another rejection.
I will admit I'm disappointed, it would have been a sweet job.
But God has a plan, something else will come up.