For the first time in over a month I really saw stars tonight.
Now that may sound silly, because obviously they've been burning brightly billions of light years away this whole time. Yet for some sad, unexplainable reason it's as if I had forgotten they even existed.
Nothing (that I've seen) can compare to that of a mid-west sky filled with stars. One of my favorite things to do at Dordt was find a relatively secluded aread and just sit and look at the night sky. It seemed to stretch for miles and no matter how hard I'd squint I would never be able to see all of them.
Unfortunately with the busy-ness and distraction of summer and a new job, I have neglected my galactic getaway. That is, until this evening.
Six of us packed into a car with windows rolled down. I felt the humid air float along my face as we zoomed down the road at a speedy 45 mph (the average speed limit is about 35). As my eyes passed lush greenary, sketchy looking convienent stores, and booney dogs...I looked up.
Staring back at me were stars. Beautiful, shimmering stars. The same stars I had seen in Iowa, Washington, Minnesota, Indiana, El Salvador, and the multiple other places I've been to. I couldn't help but smile.
They were (and still are) thousands upon thousands of millions of trillions of reminders that God is with me, no matter where I go.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Less Self
Today was definitely more than a case of the Mondays.
I woke this morning 5 minutes prior to my alarm. Scuffing across my laminate floors I made my way into the bathroom, flicked on the light and was somewhat startled by the thing staring back at me. Messy bed head and a clamy looking face with tired looking eyes sat framed in my mirror. One word could describe such an atrocity: Monday.
I tamed my hair into a braid, pulled on the most comfortable dress I own and once again made the jont over to my classroom. Still, morning improvement was nowhere to be found. My spread sheet of lessons wouldn't print correctly and I soon realized that I left all of my phonics lessons in my apartment. It felt like my day was over even before it started.
Soon my kids all filed in. Behavior wise they started out great, but the steady downward spiral of naughty soon began to take hold of them. It even got to a point where I had them put their heads on their desk for ten minutes in silence so that everyone could calm down and I could regain my sanity.
As funny as this may sound it's days like today that I can't help but appreciate (after I experience it of course). I need to be reminded that in teaching, it's not about me. My first priority in teaching is my students. Granted they do need structure and discipline, but they also need grace and compassion. They need a teacher who is going to give them every chance to succeed and love them even when they're being unruly.
If you think about it we're all like second graders and God is our teacher. We're egocentric, constantly asking Him things, easily distracted, have trouble listening to Him, sometimes chose not to listen to Him, and get upset when He does something we don't like because He knows what's best for us.
If God can put up with all of humanity being like that, I can certainly handle 21 6-8 year olds.
Tomorrow is a new day and I will look at them as a new class.
I woke this morning 5 minutes prior to my alarm. Scuffing across my laminate floors I made my way into the bathroom, flicked on the light and was somewhat startled by the thing staring back at me. Messy bed head and a clamy looking face with tired looking eyes sat framed in my mirror. One word could describe such an atrocity: Monday.
I tamed my hair into a braid, pulled on the most comfortable dress I own and once again made the jont over to my classroom. Still, morning improvement was nowhere to be found. My spread sheet of lessons wouldn't print correctly and I soon realized that I left all of my phonics lessons in my apartment. It felt like my day was over even before it started.
Soon my kids all filed in. Behavior wise they started out great, but the steady downward spiral of naughty soon began to take hold of them. It even got to a point where I had them put their heads on their desk for ten minutes in silence so that everyone could calm down and I could regain my sanity.
As funny as this may sound it's days like today that I can't help but appreciate (after I experience it of course). I need to be reminded that in teaching, it's not about me. My first priority in teaching is my students. Granted they do need structure and discipline, but they also need grace and compassion. They need a teacher who is going to give them every chance to succeed and love them even when they're being unruly.
If you think about it we're all like second graders and God is our teacher. We're egocentric, constantly asking Him things, easily distracted, have trouble listening to Him, sometimes chose not to listen to Him, and get upset when He does something we don't like because He knows what's best for us.
If God can put up with all of humanity being like that, I can certainly handle 21 6-8 year olds.
Tomorrow is a new day and I will look at them as a new class.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Second Grade (In)Sanity
It is currenty 10:10 on the eve before the weekend after my first week as a second grade teacher. Every atom inside of my body is drained of adrenaline, but I just can't sleep yet.
The fact that I have a load of laundry going may be part of it, but that's beside the point.
To say this week was a learning process would be an understatement, to say it was unbearable would be a bit dramatic. In all honesty the week itself is an insane blur of discipline, lessons, and the incessant ring of "Ms. Jameson!" coming from 21 mouths.
My students learned quickly that I am quite different than that of their teacher last year. Perhaps the fact that I actually disciplined them may be part of it. (Pastor JW even said I reminded him of an old schoolmarm...I just needed a ruler. Is it bad that I'm kind of proud of that?) They didn't cease to test me though. Routine things like lining up took multiple tries for them. Hand raising seemed like a new concept as was giving me their full attention when I was talking with them. I spoke strictly and confidently until my voice went hoarse, but as Friday inched closer and closer I could tell they were starting to catch on. When I asked my students to get into "listening position", within seconds all of their bodies sat up straight and their small hands folded infront of them. I saw more hands being raised than I heard voices. Some of them even asked my permission before they did the simplest things. They still have a long ways to go, and I did send a couple of them to the principal's office today. Nonetheless, seeing them all improve this much over a course of 5 days made me proud.
I think the most interesting part about this whole week was eventhough I've been strict, I had kids coming up and hugging me daily. I even heard a couple of kids after the first day say that they really like second grade. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I am the only source of discipline that some of these kids get. After all, kids need structure and someone who cares enough about them to tell them no. Whatever it is...I'll take it.
I end with nothing more but to once again say that God is good. He kept me strong through the first week and He'll hold my head up for the rest of this year and next. What lies between now and then, well, only He knows.
The fact that I have a load of laundry going may be part of it, but that's beside the point.
To say this week was a learning process would be an understatement, to say it was unbearable would be a bit dramatic. In all honesty the week itself is an insane blur of discipline, lessons, and the incessant ring of "Ms. Jameson!" coming from 21 mouths.
My students learned quickly that I am quite different than that of their teacher last year. Perhaps the fact that I actually disciplined them may be part of it. (Pastor JW even said I reminded him of an old schoolmarm...I just needed a ruler. Is it bad that I'm kind of proud of that?) They didn't cease to test me though. Routine things like lining up took multiple tries for them. Hand raising seemed like a new concept as was giving me their full attention when I was talking with them. I spoke strictly and confidently until my voice went hoarse, but as Friday inched closer and closer I could tell they were starting to catch on. When I asked my students to get into "listening position", within seconds all of their bodies sat up straight and their small hands folded infront of them. I saw more hands being raised than I heard voices. Some of them even asked my permission before they did the simplest things. They still have a long ways to go, and I did send a couple of them to the principal's office today. Nonetheless, seeing them all improve this much over a course of 5 days made me proud.
I think the most interesting part about this whole week was eventhough I've been strict, I had kids coming up and hugging me daily. I even heard a couple of kids after the first day say that they really like second grade. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I am the only source of discipline that some of these kids get. After all, kids need structure and someone who cares enough about them to tell them no. Whatever it is...I'll take it.
I end with nothing more but to once again say that God is good. He kept me strong through the first week and He'll hold my head up for the rest of this year and next. What lies between now and then, well, only He knows.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Ms. Ja...How Do You Say it Again?
First Day
First Time Teacher
First Thought...AHHHHH!
At roughly 6:30am I tiptoed my way down the stairs from my apartment and began my short 2 minute walk of a commute into life as a second grade teacher. Nerves? Butterflies? You don't know the half of it.
Dodging puddles as I made both my decent and journey, I couldn't tell myself enough to breathe. My classroom door inched ever closer as I reached into my bag for my keys. Looking up I saw a small girl of Asian decent (Korean I believe) sitting on the bench closest to the door. Slightly startled and a bit confused, I introduced myself. Her named matched one of the many on my roster and as I unlocked my door the reality of the day hit me. I'm going to be teaching 21 kids. By myself. Dear God, help me. Anxiously I paced my classroom, I saw more and more blackhaired heads join the girl on the bench. I could have sworn they were multiplying. Once the clock hit 7:30 I took a deep breath, opened the door, and began introductions.
Down the bench I made my way, shaking 21 hands of 21 children, learning 21 names in more than 21 seconds. Each child soon filed in, the knots in my stomach loosened and I felt like I could breathe again.
All I can say about this day is that God is good. I had been told that a lot of my kids were "a handful", but honestly I didn't have many problems at all. That was an answer to prayer in itself. I'm not sure if things went quite as smoothly as I would have hoped and some of my kids can't even prounounce my name but, like life, teaching is a learning process. Thankfully tomorrow is another day.
Thank you all for your prayers and support! You have no idea how much they have helped :).
First Time Teacher
First Thought...AHHHHH!
At roughly 6:30am I tiptoed my way down the stairs from my apartment and began my short 2 minute walk of a commute into life as a second grade teacher. Nerves? Butterflies? You don't know the half of it.
Dodging puddles as I made both my decent and journey, I couldn't tell myself enough to breathe. My classroom door inched ever closer as I reached into my bag for my keys. Looking up I saw a small girl of Asian decent (Korean I believe) sitting on the bench closest to the door. Slightly startled and a bit confused, I introduced myself. Her named matched one of the many on my roster and as I unlocked my door the reality of the day hit me. I'm going to be teaching 21 kids. By myself. Dear God, help me. Anxiously I paced my classroom, I saw more and more blackhaired heads join the girl on the bench. I could have sworn they were multiplying. Once the clock hit 7:30 I took a deep breath, opened the door, and began introductions.
Down the bench I made my way, shaking 21 hands of 21 children, learning 21 names in more than 21 seconds. Each child soon filed in, the knots in my stomach loosened and I felt like I could breathe again.
All I can say about this day is that God is good. I had been told that a lot of my kids were "a handful", but honestly I didn't have many problems at all. That was an answer to prayer in itself. I'm not sure if things went quite as smoothly as I would have hoped and some of my kids can't even prounounce my name but, like life, teaching is a learning process. Thankfully tomorrow is another day.
Thank you all for your prayers and support! You have no idea how much they have helped :).
Thursday, August 2, 2012
You Might Be Living in Saipan If...
So I've been living in Saipan for about two weeks now and I've come to find some funny little quirks about the island.
Enjoy!
You might be living in Saipan if...
-You're used to being sweaty and sticky all the time.
-You don't need to use hot water to shower.
-When you do want to use hot water you're hesitant to turn it on because power is so expensive.
-Eating out and buying groceries are pretty much the same price.
-Anything under the temperature of 80 now seems cold.
-Buying produce at the farmer's market is way cheaper and fresher than at the store.
-Any sort of dairy product is now considered a once in a while treat ($8 for a carton of ice cream my friends).
-You use all means possible to substitute for airconditioning because, once again, power is so expensive.
-The beach is literally a two minute walk away (well, for teacher housing at least).
-Bugs just don't phase you anymore (I've always found cochroachs to be slightly endearing anyways...).
-Payless is both a shoe and grocery store.
-You know the locations of at least one mango tree, one banana tree, and one coconut tree.
-You know what people mean when they say words or phrases like aircon, off the..., on the..., and grands.
-Figuring out a time to skype anyone in the states now takes much more math that it use to.
-You know what a flame tree is.
-When people talk about fishing you're not sure if it's with a speargun or a pole.
-Rice is now a staple in your diet.
-Being in teacher housing feels like being in college apartments again.
-You rarely miss a Thursday night street market.
Despite all of it's quirks, I have to say I love it and am very blessed to be here!
Enjoy!
You might be living in Saipan if...
-You're used to being sweaty and sticky all the time.
-You don't need to use hot water to shower.
-When you do want to use hot water you're hesitant to turn it on because power is so expensive.
-Eating out and buying groceries are pretty much the same price.
-Anything under the temperature of 80 now seems cold.
-Buying produce at the farmer's market is way cheaper and fresher than at the store.
-Any sort of dairy product is now considered a once in a while treat ($8 for a carton of ice cream my friends).
-You use all means possible to substitute for airconditioning because, once again, power is so expensive.
-The beach is literally a two minute walk away (well, for teacher housing at least).
-Bugs just don't phase you anymore (I've always found cochroachs to be slightly endearing anyways...).
-Payless is both a shoe and grocery store.
-You know the locations of at least one mango tree, one banana tree, and one coconut tree.
-You know what people mean when they say words or phrases like aircon, off the..., on the..., and grands.
-Figuring out a time to skype anyone in the states now takes much more math that it use to.
-You know what a flame tree is.
-When people talk about fishing you're not sure if it's with a speargun or a pole.
-Rice is now a staple in your diet.
-Being in teacher housing feels like being in college apartments again.
-You rarely miss a Thursday night street market.
Despite all of it's quirks, I have to say I love it and am very blessed to be here!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Unconventional Answers
I know that there are many people out there who insist on the fact that God is a myth. A figment. Some religious form of dogma that we Christians mindlessly follow.
I find that hard to be true when it is so obvious that He is so alive.
After 24 bug bites, shuffling through classroom papers, adjusting my pallete to a spicer diet, adjusting to time, and just adjustig, I have almost made it through my first week on the island. Eventhough I've already been here about 6ish days I've already had confirmation from God that I am indeed doing the right thing by being here.
Flash back to yesterday. It was my fourth day working in the classroom and I had already gotten word that three of my students were, to put it nicely, "naughty." On top of that I was struggling to keep my head above stacks of curriculum that were as deep as the ocean across from the playground. I think my biggest problem though was feeling that I needed to do everything the same as the teacher before me did...eventhough our styles are like apples and oranges. Stress. Worry. Concern. I expressed my fears to Principal and he was so understanding. I think the best thing he said to me and kept saying was "You do it your own way. You don't have to answer to anybody but God, and me, but even I have to answer to God." Though talking with him did help, it didn't calm my thoughts completely.
After spending some time relaxing in the water I came back and prayed. I asked God why I was here, why I was going to be stuck with the trouble class, and again why I was here.
That night we all went to the Thursday street fair in Garapan. It's a really neat experience. All the restaurants serve food for cheap, venders sell goods, and different groups of people come out to dance. AVH and I were walking our way through some booths and out of nowhere these two girls came up to us.
They said they were both 19. One was from the Netherlands and the other was from England but they both went to a Bible college in Australia and were on the island for missions with YWAM. They asked us where we were from and we told them that we were recent locals who came to teach. Our conversation continued for a bit until one girl felt the Spirit move her to pray for us. With our eyes closed and heads bowed they placed their hands on us and I felt a feeling of calm spill over me. After they had finished praying the Dutch girl began giving us words of encouragment, however these words were different. It was like God was speaking through her. She said something along the lines of "You are here for a reason, you are going to teach and bless those children, you are meant to be here." My arms began to tickle with goosebumps...all I could think about were the questions I had prayed to God mere hours prior to our meeting. The girls left and AVH and I just looked at each other...it had been a God moment for both of us.
Today I walked into my classroom with my head a little higher and a new-found confidence in my heart. This is my class.
GOD LIVES. GOD LOVES. GOD LISTENS.
I find that hard to be true when it is so obvious that He is so alive.
After 24 bug bites, shuffling through classroom papers, adjusting my pallete to a spicer diet, adjusting to time, and just adjustig, I have almost made it through my first week on the island. Eventhough I've already been here about 6ish days I've already had confirmation from God that I am indeed doing the right thing by being here.
Flash back to yesterday. It was my fourth day working in the classroom and I had already gotten word that three of my students were, to put it nicely, "naughty." On top of that I was struggling to keep my head above stacks of curriculum that were as deep as the ocean across from the playground. I think my biggest problem though was feeling that I needed to do everything the same as the teacher before me did...eventhough our styles are like apples and oranges. Stress. Worry. Concern. I expressed my fears to Principal and he was so understanding. I think the best thing he said to me and kept saying was "You do it your own way. You don't have to answer to anybody but God, and me, but even I have to answer to God." Though talking with him did help, it didn't calm my thoughts completely.
After spending some time relaxing in the water I came back and prayed. I asked God why I was here, why I was going to be stuck with the trouble class, and again why I was here.
That night we all went to the Thursday street fair in Garapan. It's a really neat experience. All the restaurants serve food for cheap, venders sell goods, and different groups of people come out to dance. AVH and I were walking our way through some booths and out of nowhere these two girls came up to us.
They said they were both 19. One was from the Netherlands and the other was from England but they both went to a Bible college in Australia and were on the island for missions with YWAM. They asked us where we were from and we told them that we were recent locals who came to teach. Our conversation continued for a bit until one girl felt the Spirit move her to pray for us. With our eyes closed and heads bowed they placed their hands on us and I felt a feeling of calm spill over me. After they had finished praying the Dutch girl began giving us words of encouragment, however these words were different. It was like God was speaking through her. She said something along the lines of "You are here for a reason, you are going to teach and bless those children, you are meant to be here." My arms began to tickle with goosebumps...all I could think about were the questions I had prayed to God mere hours prior to our meeting. The girls left and AVH and I just looked at each other...it had been a God moment for both of us.
Today I walked into my classroom with my head a little higher and a new-found confidence in my heart. This is my class.
GOD LIVES. GOD LOVES. GOD LISTENS.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Seaing God
Little can be compared to that of the sea.
As I stood ankle deep on the shores of Garapan this evening I was hypnotized by the ripples that formed on the surface of the water. The shallow waves made it look as if it were a body breathing. Up and down the water pulsed as it swallowed my lower legs, almost as if to be a mouth that hadn't eaten in days. But at the same time, it was so gentle. Peaceful even. Time seemed to stop as I watched the separate shades of blue-green water fade into each other. It didn't matter which color was which, the ony thing that mattered was that they ended up in the same place.
Whenever I'm around a body of water feelings of calm flood through me. I feel like it's where I can connect most with God. It brings me peace, serenity, and awe. I feel like it represents so much of who He is. The ocean has the ability to be powerful and gentle. Though, no matter how safe it may appear, we always know that what it can do is out of our control. Yet every inch of it breathes life. But unlike the everchanging waters of the Pacific (or any ocean) our God is always the same. He loves us. I think everytime I dig my feet into a sandy beach I fall inlove with Him all over again.
As I stood ankle deep on the shores of Garapan this evening I was hypnotized by the ripples that formed on the surface of the water. The shallow waves made it look as if it were a body breathing. Up and down the water pulsed as it swallowed my lower legs, almost as if to be a mouth that hadn't eaten in days. But at the same time, it was so gentle. Peaceful even. Time seemed to stop as I watched the separate shades of blue-green water fade into each other. It didn't matter which color was which, the ony thing that mattered was that they ended up in the same place.
Whenever I'm around a body of water feelings of calm flood through me. I feel like it's where I can connect most with God. It brings me peace, serenity, and awe. I feel like it represents so much of who He is. The ocean has the ability to be powerful and gentle. Though, no matter how safe it may appear, we always know that what it can do is out of our control. Yet every inch of it breathes life. But unlike the everchanging waters of the Pacific (or any ocean) our God is always the same. He loves us. I think everytime I dig my feet into a sandy beach I fall inlove with Him all over again.
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