Church Mouse

As I trecked back from my (somewhat, but not really) weekly ritual of Sunday night grading, I made a pit stop at the church sanctuary.

In all honesty I'm not sure why, I mean I've spent quite a bit of quality time with said building. With chapel on Friday and church on Sunday, one would think it's not a place that would draw me in too quickly. Yet there was something about it tonight that seemed so inviting.
A quiet, calm place with uncomfortably inviting pews. I took a seat in the very front left. Even after being in said space multiple times I realized I had never taken a chance to see the sanctuary as it really is.

My eyes followed the rows and rows of pews lined up parallel from each other. All in perfect formation, almost as if they were soldiers marching. Up from the seating my eyes traveled to the ceiling. Each rafter connected to the next by large bolts screwed tightly in place. My eyes followed them until it hit the cross, standing ever so luminously in the soft light of the stage.

A billowy glow outlined the most important symbol I have ever come to know. It gave me a sense of peace. In fact the whole experience of just sitting there did. To be seated in complete silence. Stillness even. The only movement were the carlights shining on the walls as each vehicle passed by.

My eyes soon traveled down to the floor where I saw a mouse rushing back and forth. His tiny feet scurrying from one hiding place to the next.

I suppose mice to need a calming place too.

Doubt

So I'll be honest, I've been doubtful about things lately.

Doubtful God will provide for this.
Doubtful God will change that.

Is it normal for anyone to have doubts? Yes of course, we're human and have sin festering inside of us. Someone without doubt would seem alien.

Is doubt with God something we need to fight to over come? Well, I think you probably know the answer as best as I...a big, whopping, affirmative.

In order to help aid my feelings of uncertainity I cracked open the B-I-B-L-E (yes that's the book for me!). Generally I would consult the concordance first, but the book of James made its way into my mind before I even touched the pages.

My eyes fell on this passage:

"If you do not have wisdom, ask God for it. He is always ready to give it to you and will never say you are wrong for asking.  You must have faith as you ask Him. You must not doubt. Anyone who doubts is like a wave which is pushed around by the sea. Such a man will get nothing from the Lord. The man who has two ways of thinking changes in everything he does."

 

You must have faith.
You must not doubt.

 

Part of me found it eerie that such words would pop out at such an appropriate time...but at the same time part of me wasn't surprised. The Bible is the living word of God. He speaks to us through it.

This section brought me back to a section in the book of Job when Job is questioning God and God answers with full force:

“Who is this that obscures my plans
with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.

 

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?"

 

He continues on and on and on as He tells Job all that He has done and has the power to do.

Who am I to let the enemy overcome me with doubt when I know I have a savior and maker who is more powerful. A maker who can produce miracles so mind crippling that science could look foolish.

Have faith my friends, for He makes the impossible possible.

Love is Patient, Love is Kind...

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.

A holiday that can be both loved an hated based on the status of one's personal dating or martial relationship situation.

Those who do have a significant other consider February 14th a day of romance, love, and surprises. Whereas some of those (notice how I said some, not all, or even a small majority) without may speak bitterly of how it's a day solely based around shoveling money into greeting card companies and thus choose to boycott said holiday (DOWN WITH SENTIMENTAL NOTES OF VALUE AND SUGAR FILLED COCOA PRODUCTS!).

I myself don't really fall under either. For the first time in about 6 years I do not have an official date for Valentine's Day. Am I crushed? Shamed? So downtrodden with depression that I'm going to watch sappy movies, cry, and consume copious of amounts of chocolate as I come to grips with my current stag situation?

Not at all. (Though, I can't promise you a Hershey kiss or ten wont be eaten. A chocoholic needs to get her fix somehow).

Instead I choose to take this day to focus on the following passage from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

"Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Read it again
And again
Ok one more time.
Done.

Everytime I go through that passage a pair of humbling hands place themselves on my heart.

Love is patient.
Love is,
Patient.
Love
Is
Patient

I know I am not always.

It is not easily angered
It is not easily,
Angered.
It
Is
Not
Easily
Angered.

I know that sometimes I am.

I believe that one of the greatest things that we can show to each other is love. I'm not just talking about boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. I'm talking about anyone. There is not a soul on this planet who is of lesser value than you or I. There is not a soul on this planet who does not deserve to be cared for, respected, or loved.

The best way to do so is by following the words written in that of 1 Corinthians.


"...Love never fails"

A Lesson from Romans

It's not rare that I ask a student (or five) in my class why he or she does something that he or she know goes against classroom policies on a daily basis.

Three of the most common reponses from said pupils go something a little like this...

1. Shoulder shrug.
2. "I don't know."
Or the ever popular...
3. Blank stare acting like you just asked them how to solve a physics problem while standing on their head. (It's impossible, believe me...the physics problem part that is.)

Number two though would have to be what I hear spill out of most mouths.

When I was little and was asked why I did something I knew was wrong, I often answered with said response as a way to get out of trouble. Whether it was being mean to my sister, letting grades slip, or bad behavior in general...as a child "I don't know" seemed like a logical answer.

But take a moment to think, were there actually times that you in fact didn't know why you were doing something less than friendly?

In the book of Romans, chapter 7 makes it very clear that, because of sin nature, we often tend to make poor life choices eventhough we know better.

Take a gander at the following passage...

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

As my frustrations rose today with students as they partook in that they knew very well not to do, God popped those words into my head. Perhaps some of them actually don't mean to do what they are doing, but do it because of their sin nature...that and the fact that the majority of them are 7 and are still learning to control themselves.

Keep in mind though, we need to fight our sin nature. Simply because we as humans are prone to fall to what is wrong, doesn't mean we can't do all we can to make a decision of what is right.

Pray

Today my heart was softened.

Amongst the rivers of tears the flow from my most dramatic students, I was rescued with a small lifeboat of realization. One of the best possible things I can do for my kids (and well, anyone) is to pray.

In these past 6 months I have seen, heard, and dealt with many of what I was warned about in my education classes. From behavior problems, to more serious family issues, not much is a surprise anymore.

As I sat with my students in carline I watched my remaining children sit patiently (and playfully) as they anxiously waited for their carpool to retrieve them. As I studied them, I couldn't help but sift through my mental file of each of their homelives.

She always asks me to pray that her dad won't get drunk anymore.
His dad left last year.
His mom is doing all she can for full custody.
Her mom works two jobs just to get by.
On and on down the line, my heart broke a little more as I looked at their innocent faces.

Seven years old, and they've experienced more painful things than I ever had or would ever have to. Some not even knowing what that night might bring.

Since then (and possibly a little before) this verse has been playing on repeat in my head...

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

-James 5:16

 

I cannot control what goes on in the lives of my students once they open the doors of their homes. But I know who can.

So pray and have faith.
The rest is up to God.

Saipan vs. WA

I was hanging out with my friend WB a few nights ago and we began looking at a map in my classroom. I was showing him where I'm from, the states I've been to and the like.

He looked at me, pointed to the map and said something along the lines of this...

"So, you moved from this big mass of land to a dot in the middle of the ocean?"
(said in the nicest way possible of course)

My answer?

"Yeah I guess so."

There are times when I forget how small the place I live on really is. It takes around an hour or so to get from north to south and back again. A trip from east to west is even shorter. Any sort of real roadtrip is out of the question, unless of course you enjoy driving in water. Granted, I've heard a flooded engine is generally a bad thing.

Though I do love the island with its beautiful views, water filled with endless shades of blue, and hospitable locals...I can't help but miss some things about Washington.

First and foremost is my family. I think being away has really helped me appreciate them more and sometimes Skype can only do so much. Now am I saying that it took being over 5,000 miles away to make me love them? Not at all. We might not always agree on things, but we're human and I don't love them any less.

Second would have to be a good, local coffee shop. Walking in and just being consumed with the smell of roasted coffee beans and pasteries (no matter the location) is something that will always remind me of home.

Third is definitely rain. Now, contrary to popular belief the state of Washington is not one big rain puddle. We do have many beautiful, sunny days. But those days when the rain did come, they were cozy. I remember being able to wrap myself up in a big blanket complete with sweats, a sweatshirt, and wool socks. I remember closing my eyes as I sat on our oversized chair and just listening to each droplet beat against my family room window as I sipped hot tea.

I just need to figure out that whole teleportation thing and then I'll be able to enjoy both my homes.

Resolutions

So I'm generally not one to create lists of resolutions for the New Year, not to mention post it all over the internet for the world to see.

But alas, there is a first time for everything.

My resolutions are as follows:

1. Continual trust in God. All things are possible through him, not matter how impossible it may seem to us. I cannot remind myself enough of this.
2. Teach in a way that not only is helpful to my students but is glorifying to God. (This will definitely include a positive attitude on the days where it can be oh so hard to have one.)
3. Read at least three books before the year is through.
4. Write more. Not only blogging but just personal journaling as well. This may fluctuate based on the given inspirational state though.