Have you ever looked back on all of the dire "problems" that seemed to be so gargantuan at the time and then you move past them and realized that as life moves forward they slowly begin to shrink? For the past couple of days I've been thinking about all of the concerns I had ten years ago compared to now. Looking back, everything I worried about all turned out ok or happened the way they did for a better reason.
God has a funny way of working everything out.
Now, I obviously can't go back in time and tell myself to relax...but for today I've decided to write a letter to my 14 year old self. Here it goes.
Dear Pre-teen Michelle,
It's yourself from the future (ten years older, ten years wiser...or I'd, I mean you'd like to think so). If you're wondering where the heck the location on the address is, don't worry about it right now. I'll explain later. I'm writing to you in regards to what is ahead of you. Yes, your life as you're about to know it. Now, if I remember correctly, you are about to embark into 9th grade (I suppose depending on the time frame this is sent you could be ending 8th...details) and are totally oblivious to everything that will happen to you within the next decade. At the point you're at right now, all I can say is appreciate your teachers. You're going to learn so much from them, many of whom will leave a bigger mark on you than they, and you, will realize. They will help you become a better writer, mathmatician, and even learn to enjoy science. Don't take them for granted, you're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for and they want to see you grow.
In fact, you'll end up being one. I know, I know, definitely not what you planned (especially after wanting to be a nurse for so long...but believe me, you'll go through a whole slue of majors before you actually decide). You're probably wondering how it'll work out because, at this point, public speaking is your worst enemy. I mean you almost threw up from nerves during that one speech in debate class last year. But don't worry, over time it's going to come easy to you. Believe me, I'm as surprised as you are.
Moving on from school, let's talk social life. Some of the friends you're with at this point, won't be your friends after a few years...let alone next year. It's just part of life, you win some and you lose some. But the ones that you win will stay in close contact with you even after you've gone to college. Keep them close. Cherish them. Also, it's ok not to have a boyfriend right now. I know it seems like all of your friends have one, but honey you're only 14. It's ok, you'll end up having a few boyfriends... and then some. Though none of them will be "the one" you will learn so much from each (good and bad) relationship. Keep that knowledge, just don't let your heart grow cold.
Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. If I remember correctly you had a very zit free complexion. Don't ever take that for granted. Also, that pale skin you have is actually considered beautiful in many places. Even if people make fun of you for not being as "tan" as they are (be prepared to be called pasty for many years to come), embrace it. You'll have less wrinkles on your skin from not being in such harsh rays all the time.
Also, you're not fat.
High school will be hard. It's just something you'll have to push through. From school work, to friends, to things I'm not sure you're mature enough to understand yet, it will be hard. But you'll make it through. I guess my best advice until then is learn to express yourself and talk to people about things. It's ok. If they care about you enough as they act like they do, they will listen. That and you really shouldn't have made the decision to take physics...probably one of the worst life choices you could make. Oh and don't worry about the senior project. You'll get a high pass ;).
Don't take Mom and Dad for granted. In fact, you could probably work on being more respectful to them. I know you're 14 and hormonally you've got a wack load of changes going on still, but eventually you'll learn that they were right about almost everything. Listen to them, even if you don't want to. They love you.
On that note, no matter the state of you and your sister's relationship right now...it will end up being so great.
Skipping onward to adulthood (I'd elaborate on college, but you need to be left in the dark about some things...it's good for you ;D). You're 24, not married, and currently living in a U.S. common wealth that not many U.S. citizens know about. It's an island that has a population that could rival that of a small town and size wise takes less than an hour to drive from top to bottom. In a small, private school you'll teach and it will be probably one of the best experiences you'll have so far...despite a frustrating first year.
The undeserving love you will receive during your time here will be astounding. It will flow not only from students but coworkers and local friends as well.
Embrace it.
I can't say much past that because, well, I (we) obviously have a large chunk of life to live. The best thing I can say for right now is to keep your faith. I know, I know cliche. But you will find that in many current and future circumstances, without God, things won't turn out as great as they have. Even when it seems like there is nothing left, cling to him until your knuckles turn white.
So breathe, it's going to be ok.
Love,
Your Adult-self
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Eye See You
They say the eyes are the windows into the soul. Two omniscient orbs, shoved into the upper parts of your face that can show more expression that your smile or frown would ever hope to dream.
Personally, eyes are my favorite part of the whole human make-up. Have you ever really looked closely at a pair? Layers upon layers of detailed beauty carefully fitted into a sphere no larger than 2/3 of a ping-pong ball. Irises swirling with colors that only God himself could create and then some. Yet it's not so much the colors that I enjoy, but the emotion that flows out of them.
Think about it.
Eyes grow soft with the feeling of love, care, or concern for those who are closest to us.
Eyes bring a sharp glare from anger, frustration, or hatred.
Eyes fill up and overflow with either feelings of sadness or happiness that is so potent that tears are the only way to let out the expression that is building up inside.
Eyes dilate when shown what we are attracted to the most. People who we like not only make our hearts jump, but our pupils swell as well.
Through our optical regions we can see life and death in a matter of seconds.
Just be sure not to blink too much...you might miss something important.
Personally, eyes are my favorite part of the whole human make-up. Have you ever really looked closely at a pair? Layers upon layers of detailed beauty carefully fitted into a sphere no larger than 2/3 of a ping-pong ball. Irises swirling with colors that only God himself could create and then some. Yet it's not so much the colors that I enjoy, but the emotion that flows out of them.
Think about it.
Eyes grow soft with the feeling of love, care, or concern for those who are closest to us.
Eyes bring a sharp glare from anger, frustration, or hatred.
Eyes fill up and overflow with either feelings of sadness or happiness that is so potent that tears are the only way to let out the expression that is building up inside.
Eyes dilate when shown what we are attracted to the most. People who we like not only make our hearts jump, but our pupils swell as well.
Through our optical regions we can see life and death in a matter of seconds.
Just be sure not to blink too much...you might miss something important.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
"To Love Someone is to See the Face of God" -Victor Hugo
So, another Valentines Day is inching its way ever closer. Said holiday is perhaps one of the more (in my humble opinion) entertaining that we as humans celebrate annually.
It's not so much the day itself that I find amusing, but more the way people respond to it. On one side you have those who are dead set against it. It's merely a scam set up by greeting card companies to heartlessly gobble up your dollars.
On the polar opposite side of the spectrum there are those who go perhaps a little too overboard. But who said a teddy bear that reaches the ceiling, diamonds, and pounds of chocolate was a bad thing? (Okay so that might be embellishing a tad, but you get it.)
Then there are people like me. The stag onlooker who falls somewhere in the middle. I have nothing against Valentines Day. I actually find it to be relatively sweet (no pun intended, or maybe it is...I'll let you decide). Take away all the flashy gifts and cavity threatening treats and what it boils down to is a celebration of love.
Love
L
O
V
E
Love
A relatively intimidating word if you think about it. The dictionary defines love in a multitude of ways, but I think the best description they have is this: "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." An explanation I couldn't with agree more.
When it comes to dating relationships, I suppose you could say I'm well seasoned. I've learned how to love someone and what it takes to keep that love going. That "profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person" and I have met before. However the act of being "in love" is something I'm still in the process of figuring out.
When I think of being in love I imagine two people carrying said feelings of passionate affection equally. Yet not just equally, but in a sense that is so overwhelmingly strong for each other that it aches. Not one of the people is loving stronger or more than the other, but sharing such a beautiful God given gift in a way that is unexplainable.
I will admit that there was a time that I didn't believe in love. A few years ago, after a few bad break-ups, I didn't believe that it was possible to find love and keep it. To me love was a dead thing that was nothing more than a glorified Hollywood fantasy that movie stars acted out.
You could say my heart grew a bit bitter.
Some time later I was flipping through my Bible and I found this verse from 1 John 4:8:
It's not so much the day itself that I find amusing, but more the way people respond to it. On one side you have those who are dead set against it. It's merely a scam set up by greeting card companies to heartlessly gobble up your dollars.
On the polar opposite side of the spectrum there are those who go perhaps a little too overboard. But who said a teddy bear that reaches the ceiling, diamonds, and pounds of chocolate was a bad thing? (Okay so that might be embellishing a tad, but you get it.)
Then there are people like me. The stag onlooker who falls somewhere in the middle. I have nothing against Valentines Day. I actually find it to be relatively sweet (no pun intended, or maybe it is...I'll let you decide). Take away all the flashy gifts and cavity threatening treats and what it boils down to is a celebration of love.
Love
L
O
V
E
Love
A relatively intimidating word if you think about it. The dictionary defines love in a multitude of ways, but I think the best description they have is this: "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." An explanation I couldn't with agree more.
When it comes to dating relationships, I suppose you could say I'm well seasoned. I've learned how to love someone and what it takes to keep that love going. That "profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person" and I have met before. However the act of being "in love" is something I'm still in the process of figuring out.
When I think of being in love I imagine two people carrying said feelings of passionate affection equally. Yet not just equally, but in a sense that is so overwhelmingly strong for each other that it aches. Not one of the people is loving stronger or more than the other, but sharing such a beautiful God given gift in a way that is unexplainable.
I will admit that there was a time that I didn't believe in love. A few years ago, after a few bad break-ups, I didn't believe that it was possible to find love and keep it. To me love was a dead thing that was nothing more than a glorified Hollywood fantasy that movie stars acted out.
You could say my heart grew a bit bitter.
Some time later I was flipping through my Bible and I found this verse from 1 John 4:8:
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
I read it again.
And again.
And again.
God is love. The fact that I didn't believe in the existence of love, was almost like saying that I didn't believe in the existence of God. Blocking my heart of all possibilities of such affection from another (in a romantic sense) also blocked out all possibilities of such affection from my creator and heavenly Father.
Ever since, my heart has been softened, still protected, yet more open to the fact that being in love with someone is possible.
Now if only God could tell me when...until then I Happy Valentine's Day :)And again.
And again.
God is love. The fact that I didn't believe in the existence of love, was almost like saying that I didn't believe in the existence of God. Blocking my heart of all possibilities of such affection from another (in a romantic sense) also blocked out all possibilities of such affection from my creator and heavenly Father.
Ever since, my heart has been softened, still protected, yet more open to the fact that being in love with someone is possible.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
So I have to admit, I've been putting off writing this blog.
Why? Well in all honesty I didn't really know how to write it, but I figure now is as good of time as ever.
As some of you already know, I've been living on the island of Saipan for the past 1 1/2 years. To say it has been a blessing would be an understatement. Not only have I had the ability to live in a postcard picture perfect place, but the relationships I've made with the people here have been phenomenal. Life changing even.
So where do I go from here?
I've wrestled with this decision since summer and beyond. Do I stay? Do I go? (Darling you've got to let me know...don't pretend like you weren't thinking the same thing.) It was a conundrum I did my best to stuff into the farthest corners of my mind for the longest possible amount of time. (Letter of intent? What's that? No crucial decision making needs here!)
After much prayer (like months of it), petition (hah, more like arguments with yourself and God (Yes, she talks to herself..hey look she's doing it right now! (Do you realize that she just put parenthesis inside of parenthesis inside of parenthesis?)), and patience . I've decided....
...to rejoin my overly caffeinated hipsters and move back to the place where I once belonged. Washington.
Don't worry my island loves, I will always have a Saipan shaped hole in my heart just for you.
Why? Well in all honesty I didn't really know how to write it, but I figure now is as good of time as ever.
As some of you already know, I've been living on the island of Saipan for the past 1 1/2 years. To say it has been a blessing would be an understatement. Not only have I had the ability to live in a postcard picture perfect place, but the relationships I've made with the people here have been phenomenal. Life changing even.
So where do I go from here?
I've wrestled with this decision since summer and beyond. Do I stay? Do I go? (Darling you've got to let me know...don't pretend like you weren't thinking the same thing.) It was a conundrum I did my best to stuff into the farthest corners of my mind for the longest possible amount of time. (Letter of intent? What's that? No crucial decision making needs here!)
After much prayer (like months of it), petition (hah, more like arguments with yourself and God (Yes, she talks to herself..hey look she's doing it right now! (Do you realize that she just put parenthesis inside of parenthesis inside of parenthesis?)), and patience . I've decided....
...to rejoin my overly caffeinated hipsters and move back to the place where I once belonged. Washington.
Don't worry my island loves, I will always have a Saipan shaped hole in my heart just for you.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
I Am Thankful For....
Alright, so the topic of this blog was inevitable.
Without further ado, my "I am thankful for..." list.
I am thankful for...
-The fact that I can worship God freely without fear of persecution (or execution for that matter).
-My family.
-Supportive parents I am close to who have high expectations.
-A sister and brother-in-law who I can talk about anything with.
-The consistent knowledge of where my next meal will come from.
-My job.
-A high metabolism. (It's a blessing and a curse, but I am thankful for it either way.)
-My Saipan family.
-Friends.
-All the teachers I have had who cared and pushed me to be better than my best.
-A bed with a pillow, sheets, and a blanket to sleep on.
-Clothes.
-A car.
-Socks. (Being a person who always has cold feet, socks are a must!)
-Shoes.
-A refrigerator.
-Financial stability.
-Good health.
The list is endless.
Amongst the discontentment that sneaks its way into my life, I need to remind myself how truly fortunate I am. Approximately 80% of the world lives on less than $10 a day, I am overwhelmingly blessed to be part of the 20% who is secure.
"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever."
-Psalm 107:1
Happy Thanksgiving!
Without further ado, my "I am thankful for..." list.
I am thankful for...
-The fact that I can worship God freely without fear of persecution (or execution for that matter).
-My family.
-Supportive parents I am close to who have high expectations.
-A sister and brother-in-law who I can talk about anything with.
-The consistent knowledge of where my next meal will come from.
-My job.
-A high metabolism. (It's a blessing and a curse, but I am thankful for it either way.)
-My Saipan family.
-Friends.
-All the teachers I have had who cared and pushed me to be better than my best.
-A bed with a pillow, sheets, and a blanket to sleep on.
-Clothes.
-A car.
-Socks. (Being a person who always has cold feet, socks are a must!)
-Shoes.
-A refrigerator.
-Financial stability.
-Good health.
The list is endless.
Amongst the discontentment that sneaks its way into my life, I need to remind myself how truly fortunate I am. Approximately 80% of the world lives on less than $10 a day, I am overwhelmingly blessed to be part of the 20% who is secure.
"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever."
-Psalm 107:1
Happy Thanksgiving!
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Every Tongue Confess
I am a lover of languages. I always have been and always will. I remember when I was in preschool quite a few of my classmates were Asian and would speak in their native tongues to each other. The different intonations and sounds intrigued me. Although I had no idea what they were saying, it fascinated me that they could communicate to each other in different way (almost like a secret code if you will.)
If I had the time (and money) I would learn every possible language. After all, what better way is there to communicate than verbal? Having the ability to simply switch languages when necessary is a gift many have, but not all appreciate. In my current classroom I have kids who range from mono- to over trilingual. There have been times in class when my students will say "Ms. Jameson talk in your other language." I'll teach for a little bit in Spanish, but apologize and continue with a response of "English is really my only language."
Lately I have found that languages move me most when incorporated into worship songs.
One of my friends recently showed me a world edition of How Great is Our God.
Watch it.
Watch it again.
There are no words
Having the ability to see different brothers and sisters worshiping Christ in their heart languages is overwhelming. I think sometimes I personally forget that English is not the only appropriate translation for these songs.
Seeing people bursting and belting out words in a tongue so beautifully unfamiliar is something that I can't help but get choked up about. It reminds me that even though they live so far away, God's presence is still within their country. No matter if Christianity has been outlawed or not, God is still there. He fills the heart of people and gives them the freedom to sing even if they don't have it.
How great our God is.
If I had the time (and money) I would learn every possible language. After all, what better way is there to communicate than verbal? Having the ability to simply switch languages when necessary is a gift many have, but not all appreciate. In my current classroom I have kids who range from mono- to over trilingual. There have been times in class when my students will say "Ms. Jameson talk in your other language." I'll teach for a little bit in Spanish, but apologize and continue with a response of "English is really my only language."
Lately I have found that languages move me most when incorporated into worship songs.
One of my friends recently showed me a world edition of How Great is Our God.
Watch it.
Watch it again.
There are no words
Having the ability to see different brothers and sisters worshiping Christ in their heart languages is overwhelming. I think sometimes I personally forget that English is not the only appropriate translation for these songs.
Seeing people bursting and belting out words in a tongue so beautifully unfamiliar is something that I can't help but get choked up about. It reminds me that even though they live so far away, God's presence is still within their country. No matter if Christianity has been outlawed or not, God is still there. He fills the heart of people and gives them the freedom to sing even if they don't have it.
How great our God is.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
When I'm 24
On Tuesday October 8, 2013 the numbers of my age changed from 23 to 24.
Not a huge leap, in fact it's times like this where I've come to realize that the importance of birthday celebrations has gone downhill.
At 15 I got my permit.
At 16 I got my license.
At 18 I morphed from a minor to an "adult."
At 21 alcohol beverages became an option.
Anything after has just become another birthday.
If I were to look back 10 years and compare my current living situation to what I had anticipated my life would be like, the result is relatively laughable. (I mean that in good spirit).
When I was 14, 24 looked like that following...
I'd be married.
I'd have a high-paying job.
I'd have a house.
I'd have a kid.
The typical American dream panned out in a preteen fantasy.
Though I haven't accomplished any of the above (for a few of those ideals, it's probably best that I haven't), I am happy to say that within those ten years of dreaming I've gained much needed wisdom and experience.
I'm not married and I don't know when I will be. However, through the dating relationships I have had, I've learned the importance of give and take, communication, respect, you name it. Qualities and knowledge that will help me to be better prepared for when I do join my life with my future husband.
I don't have a high paying job. In fact, I'm probably the poorest I've ever been. Yet, in all honesty, I'm glad my pay check is small. Though the first year was rough, I would not trade my current profession for the world. As a teacher I have received so much undeserved love. Every sweaty, post recess hug. Every handmade drawing. Every moment when I see a kid's eyes light-up because he or she finally understands something. There is nothing I can compare it to.
I don't have a kid. I have fourteen, more if you count the other ones outside of my class that I've gotten to know well. It's strange how maternal I become to each of my students. There are still times when I can't believe that I can control over 10 kids at one time. Yet with each victory and failure, stomachache and fever, I treat these kids as if they were my own.
I praise God for the life He has given me. Though it may not have turned out the way I had wanted when I was 14, it became what I needed at 24.
Here's to another 10 years.
Not a huge leap, in fact it's times like this where I've come to realize that the importance of birthday celebrations has gone downhill.
At 15 I got my permit.
At 16 I got my license.
At 18 I morphed from a minor to an "adult."
At 21 alcohol beverages became an option.
Anything after has just become another birthday.
If I were to look back 10 years and compare my current living situation to what I had anticipated my life would be like, the result is relatively laughable. (I mean that in good spirit).
When I was 14, 24 looked like that following...
I'd be married.
I'd have a high-paying job.
I'd have a house.
I'd have a kid.
The typical American dream panned out in a preteen fantasy.
Though I haven't accomplished any of the above (for a few of those ideals, it's probably best that I haven't), I am happy to say that within those ten years of dreaming I've gained much needed wisdom and experience.
I'm not married and I don't know when I will be. However, through the dating relationships I have had, I've learned the importance of give and take, communication, respect, you name it. Qualities and knowledge that will help me to be better prepared for when I do join my life with my future husband.
I don't have a high paying job. In fact, I'm probably the poorest I've ever been. Yet, in all honesty, I'm glad my pay check is small. Though the first year was rough, I would not trade my current profession for the world. As a teacher I have received so much undeserved love. Every sweaty, post recess hug. Every handmade drawing. Every moment when I see a kid's eyes light-up because he or she finally understands something. There is nothing I can compare it to.
I don't have a kid. I have fourteen, more if you count the other ones outside of my class that I've gotten to know well. It's strange how maternal I become to each of my students. There are still times when I can't believe that I can control over 10 kids at one time. Yet with each victory and failure, stomachache and fever, I treat these kids as if they were my own.
I praise God for the life He has given me. Though it may not have turned out the way I had wanted when I was 14, it became what I needed at 24.
Here's to another 10 years.
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