Ready or Not

The beginning of the school year has always hit an interesting note for me.

Not to say that I don't like it, it's actually kind of an adrenaline rush. Students have an overflowing amount of anticipation. Whether or not it comes from reuniting with friends, nerves about classes, teachers, what have you...a sense of calm seems absent on the first day of school. This over looming shadow of uncertain excitement creeps its way into the feelings of teachers as well. What will my class be like? Will I have so-and-so? Did I plan enough? What do I do on the first day? Am I ready?

Am I ready?
Am
I
Ready
?

As an educational therapist, it's obvious that I have stepped away from the lifestyle of a classroom teacher. My office is soon to, once again, become my second home and I look forward to working with my students one-on-one. However, this question couldn't have come up more often this past week. The hours seemed to slip away as I typed countless emails, wrote up paperwork, and simply made time to breathe. That being said, what does it mean to be...ready?

I suppose that is a relative question. It's kind of like asking, what is normal? Normalcy is dependent on the person. What's normal for me is extremely foreign to someone who lives a life different than my own. In this same way, readiness is proven based on a person's necessary preparation for his or her own journey. It can range from traveling to a different country or simply embarking on a new school year. (Simply? Hah! I say that like it's an easy feat.)

In reality though, not matter how prepared we may think we are...we will never be ready. On paper everything may look put together, but I guarantee anything and everything may and or will pop-up.

But that's ok.
We're human.
If our lives followed everything exactly, there would be nothing to build from and no lessons to learn.

Even in the education field it's ok to make mistakes and disprove the belief that we have to be perfect. It's ok to step out of our glasshouses and admit that we're wrong. I've found that students are able to relate better to teachers who think differently and break the mold of the "perfect" teacher. (Or what one person might think said educator might be.) Students, no matter how old they are, are smart enough to know when you're trying to be something that you're not.

As we begin another chapter of school remember...

Our jobs bring meaning
Our jobs bring growth
Our jobs bring influence

Most importantly, our jobs aren't about us...they're about the students.
No matter how ready we (or they) are.

"Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants"

-Deuteronomy 32:2

[You Are] More Precious than Rubies

As I was getting ready for bed this evening I took a long look in the mirror. Pressing my hands against my abdomen, I attempted to flatten out the small amount of pudge that stuck out from what would otherwise be a completely thin figure. Inside my head I pictured the endless number of movie stars, singers, and basically any media involved female whose figure appeared almost breakable due to their overly petite size. I took my hands off of my body and and let my stomach relax. For, unlike (many...I guess not all of) them, I am healthy, happy, and not forced to be a specific size.

I think for a lot of women, including myself, physical appearance is something that we are constantly aware of. Such awareness can be both good and bad. I find fashion to be an artistic outlet and enjoy piecing different styles together. Rarely will a day go by where over-sized earrings don't hang from the sides of my head. However, I specifically remember that a pressure to beautiful became most evident when I played Barbies with my sister as a child. Looking at the Doll's smooth plastic figure, clear complexion, and painted face made me wonder why I didn't look like that. In my mind, my tomboyish self would never come close to the beauty that was portrayed in this inanimate object.

What's wrong with this picture?

Now am I saying that Mattel should be run out of business for putting unrealistic expectations of physical beauty on an 8 year old? Well, no, that's not really a rant I want to get into right now. I do believe that as a society we really need to think about how we portray beauty. When did we get to the point of deciding that over-sized breasts and backsides, complimented with a tiny waste, was the most desirable figure?

According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, 14.6 million cosmetic surgeries happen a year. Keep in mind, many of those are probably for reasons other than "self-improvement", but still. All of this because of an imperfect idea of perfect beauty. Knowing that one's body will never be good enough.

1 Peter 3:3-4 states
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 

Inner beauty.
Inner
Beauty

What a concept.

In all honesty everyone will eventually become physically "ugly" (or what the world might it find to be), it's inevitable. There is no amount of Botox, make-up, implants, creams, or nip-tucks will save you from aging. Instead, focus on how to be a light to others and let your inner beauty overcome that of the outer. I have found that the most beautiful people I've met aren't those who look magazine cover worthy, but have a spirit that radiates the love for those around them.

God has given everyone the ability to show compassion, care, and love. So use it.

Disney Equality

When it comes to feminists, I suppose you could say I'm relatively one. Not one of those hardcore, let's burn our bras type of one, but the type that knows women deserve respect and should rightfully be given it. However, it seems that nowadays in the land of sitcoms, Disney especially, inequality between men and women has gone polar opposite.

I grew up watching shows on Disney channel and as I got older I noticed a common trend. The dads gradually got dumber.

One of my favorite show has been, and always will be, Boy Meets World. Ask anyone in my family and they'll be quick to agree that I've probably seen every single show and can quote almost every line while watching said episodes. When I found out that Disney was making a spin off, I was hesitant to watch because I didn't know if it would taint one of my favorite sitcoms. Nonetheless, I decided to give it a go. Without shame, I admit I watched the whole first season. However, as in basic Disney trend, I noticed that Cory, the father, was portrayed as much less intelligent and more of a pushover than his wife, Topanga. There was even an episode where Topanga flat out said, "My husband is a dope."

What kind of message is this sending? I'm all for women being strong, but think if it were the other way around. If Cory were to say, "My wife is a dope." I can guarantee media and lawsuits (or whatever) would be all over that.

Let's bring it back to the 90's shall we?

In the original Boy Meets World the parents were equal partners and had an equal amount of intelligence. Alan and Amy (parents) were both respected by not only their children but each other as well. The point is they were both portrayed as mindful adults not mindless children.

Now I know the social norms of society have changed. Women have more of a voice and in some cases are much more strong willed than they used to be, which is great. However, if we want our boys to grow up to be respectful, intelligent men, good fathers, and supportive husbands, isn't it important that they're portrayed that way on Television?

Back from the Dead

So here I sit, once again. Computer on my lap, fingers on the keyboard, and eyes staring into an ominous, pixelated (I guess that's a word, right?) screen that will soon enough hold my next blogging masterpiece. In all honesty I had almost forgotten about this little beauty. I think the last time I blogged was a year or so ago, maybe more. Life has been full of ups and downs, ins and outs, and honestly I couldn't be more thankful for each and every one of them. No matter how painful or wonderful they may have been. For, each experience has given me life in some way. Thus showing me once again that I am merely human and have another reason to breathe.

Breathe.

Something I've found that I get to do a lot more of.

I feel this past year has been one of a metamorphisis to say the least. New job, new friends, new church, new life in general I suppose.

I'm not really sure what else to say...it's late. But you know that feeling of cleanliness you get after you've had time to rejuvinate? Like everything has been washed away and there's nothing left but a blank page that awaits a record of life's next events? I think I've, once again, reached that point.

To new beginnings.
New adventures.
And hopefully new blog posts in the near future.

Just don't forget the old.

Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.
-Ecclesiastes 3:11

Cheers

Drum Roll Please...

Let me begin with warning you that, as I write this I am relatively sleep deprived, on the mend from being sick for the 3rd week now, and overall filled with mental mush. Such things as random words, phrases, or three headed octopi may appear. Granted, I have found that writing in such a state gives me an extra Hemingway feeling. (If you don't understand what I'm talking about, ask your high school English teacher.)

Now, where was I?

Ah yes, I have an announcement.

No, I'm not engaged.
No, I haven't graduated from anything.
And you all already know that I will be moving back to Washington in a matter of weeks (or at least you should by now...if not, well, surprise!)

What many of you don't know is what I plan to do doing with my life job wise.

I'll give you a couple seconds to think about it.

.............
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(Anybody else think that kind of looks like an F-15 fighter plane? No? How about now?)

Time's up.

Any guesses?

Yes you in the front. No not you. Yes you. Hey now, don't look around like you don't think I saw your hand. I will fight you with my onomatopoeias...that I'm typing...right now...KAPOW! BOOM! SMASH!

(Well, that escalated quickly...moving on)

If your guess was an Educational Therapist you would be 100% correct.

I will be working at Bellevue Christian School as an Educational Therapist for the Student Academic Services department.

Now, what exactly does an Educational Therapist do you may ask?

No, we don't sit around and ask students how they feel about their homework. Nor are we shrinks for burnt out teachers, we work with students who have learning difficulties. Such difficulties can range from simply not being able to put thoughts into written words, to dyslexia.

How I came about this job is a whole other story in itself. I guess my desire for a position like this began last year. I tutored a child who's ability to study and just focus was minimum. There were outside factors that played in, but it seemed like no matter how hard he tried there was a block in his brain. So the realization of my future calling began.

Working with him and seeing him not only gain new study habits but self confidence as well made me realize that this was the type of teaching I wanted to do. The question was, how? One can not pay bills on tutoring alone.

Skipping multiple months ahead, I'm sitting on my computer desperately searching for jobs. Nothing seemed like a fit. One day I get a Facebook message from my mom saying that a lady from our church mentioned that there would be some retiring Educational Therapists. She gave me a brief description of the job and I just about jumped out of my chair with excitement.

A job that not only involved working with students one on one, but working with students just like my former tutee.

The paper work began and I sent off all of my application information. Then, the beloved waiting game began. I soon received an email from the secretary saying that there weren't any current openings for said position. To say a little part of my died inside would be a dramatic, but a little part of me died inside. My dream job was dangling in front of my face and I couldn't even reach it.

Quickly shaking it off, the job search began again.

It seemed like my choices were either primary/early childhood or high school (Math nonetheless...I can hardly remember how to do algebra.). As my days of searching grew, my confidence of finding the right job began to shrink. That is, until my mom once again brought the Educational Therapist position to my attention. (Thanks again Mom, you're awesome, high five. On the side. On the other side. Up high. Down low.).

Apparently BCS had updated their employment opportunity and there, in pixleated black and white was the job description.

After a few emails back and forth with the director of the Student Academic Services department and weeks of patiently waiting, I was blessed with an interview date.

Now before I go on, let me first say that it was obvious that God had paved a way for me to receive this position ( just like He paves a way for everything in life). Unfortunately Satan always likes to muddle in things he shouldn't.

Cue the beginning stages of pnuemonia.

About three weeks ago (and about 6 days before my interview date) I start feeling sick. After a few days my voice is completely gone. All I can focus on is the fact that I have an interview in three days an I can hardly say hello. It was then that I had to step back and remind myself, if it's God's will that I have this job I will have a voice.

Three rounds of antibiotics, two sicks days, and one doctor's visit later I no longer have a verbal block. One crisis was averted, the only other concern I had was the internet cutting out. Saipan internet is relatively weak and, due to the fact that my interview would be via Skype, I didn't know what to expect. But again I told myself, if it's God's will that I have this job, I will have working internet.

My interview came, the internet didn't cut out once.

Within hours I was told that they wanted me to join them in the SAS department. Remember the jumping out of my chair feeling I mentioned earlier? This was about ten times that. All I had left to do was follow up interview with the superintendent (which, obviously, went very well).

I cannot praise God enough for this opportunity.
The fact that His hand was so evident in this process still astounds me.

Thank you all for the support and prayers you have provided for me throughout this process.
I will keep you posted as things progress :).

Relationship Memes Debunked by Logic

Do you find some memes about relationships unrealistic? Overly imaginative? Or just plan vomit inducing? Then this is the blog post for you!

Relationship memes have been slithering their way through the land of social media basically since we first logged-on to livejournal (anybody?) and there are some that I just plain disagree with.

Let's just critique a few shall we?

I would say, for me at least, this might be true like 4/10 times.
She might be sleepy,
An introvert,
Hangry (hungry/angry) and refraining from saying anything mean,
PMSing and trying to refrain from becoming irrationally angry because of some small, otherwise meaningless thing that just happened.
The possibilities are countless
But I guess, just to be safe you should still ask if she's ok.

Calm down.
I know that, as a woman, it is natural to be at least a little jealous of the female friends your boyfriend has.
You want him all to yourself.
But let's be realistic.
Just like women need male friends to depend on, men need female friends to talk to.
Of what I've heard, guys don't really talk to each other about things and they like having friends who are girls to be able to discuss issues with.
Plus, if you have a healthy relationship, and there is trust, he wouldn't be flirting around anyway.
On the flip-side, this logic can get a little sticky when it comes to a married man hanging out with a bunch of ladies.

But what happens if you don't wear lipstick?

I will admit I not only find it sweet, but flattering when I catch a guy looking at me then he looks away quickly.
However, when a guy is blatantly staring, it's not only awkward but extremely uncomfortable.
O_O

Ain't no man got time for this!
Relationships aren't just about your man catering to YOU and your needs.
Plus, there will be days where you probably won't want to be around each other and want do your own thing, which is OK!

I have no retort for this.
It's 100% accurate and SHOULD be done.

Dear Self

Have you ever looked back on all of the dire "problems" that seemed to be so gargantuan at the time and then you move past them and realized that as life moves forward they slowly begin to shrink? For the past couple of days I've been thinking about all of the concerns I had ten years ago compared to now. Looking back, everything I worried about all turned out ok or happened the way they did for a better reason.

God has a funny way of working everything out.

Now, I obviously can't go back in time and tell myself to relax...but for today I've decided to write a letter to my 14 year old self. Here it goes.

Dear Pre-teen Michelle,

It's yourself from the future (ten years older, ten years wiser...or I'd, I mean you'd like to think so). If you're wondering where the heck the location on the address is, don't worry about it right now. I'll explain later. I'm writing to you in regards to what is ahead of you. Yes, your life as you're about to know it. Now, if I remember correctly, you are about to embark into 9th grade (I suppose depending on the time frame this is sent you could be ending 8th...details) and are totally oblivious to everything that will happen to you within the next decade. At the point you're at right now, all I can say is appreciate your teachers. You're going to learn so much from them, many of whom will leave a bigger mark on you than they, and you, will realize. They will help you become a better writer, mathmatician, and even learn to enjoy science. Don't take them for granted, you're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for and they want to see you grow.

In fact, you'll end up being one. I know, I know, definitely not what you planned (especially after wanting to be a nurse for so long...but believe me, you'll go through a whole slue of majors before you actually decide). You're probably wondering how it'll work out because, at this point, public speaking is your worst enemy.  I mean you almost threw up from nerves during that one speech in debate class last year. But don't worry, over time it's going to come easy to you. Believe me, I'm as surprised as you are.

Moving on from school, let's talk social life. Some of the friends you're with at this point, won't be your friends after a few years...let alone next year. It's just part of life, you win some and you lose some. But the ones that you win will stay in close contact with you even after you've gone to college. Keep them close. Cherish them. Also, it's ok not to have a boyfriend right now. I know it seems like all of your friends have one, but honey you're only 14. It's ok, you'll end up having a few boyfriends... and then some. Though none of them will be "the one" you will learn so much from each (good and bad) relationship. Keep that knowledge, just don't let your heart grow cold.

Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. If I remember correctly you had a very zit free complexion. Don't ever take that for granted. Also, that pale skin you have is actually considered beautiful in many places. Even if people make fun of you for not being as "tan" as they are (be prepared to be called pasty for many years to come), embrace it. You'll have less wrinkles on your skin from not being in such harsh rays all the time.

Also, you're not fat.

High school will be hard. It's just something you'll have to push through. From school work, to friends, to things I'm not sure you're mature enough to understand yet, it will be hard. But you'll make it through. I guess my best advice until then is learn to express yourself and talk to people about things. It's ok. If they care about you enough as they act like they do, they will listen. That and you really shouldn't have made the decision to take physics...probably one of the worst life choices you could make. Oh and don't worry about the senior project. You'll get a high pass ;).

Don't take Mom and Dad for granted. In fact, you could probably work on being more respectful to them. I know you're 14 and hormonally you've got a wack load of changes going on still, but eventually you'll learn that they were right about almost everything. Listen to them, even if you don't want to. They love you.

On that note, no matter the state of you and your sister's relationship right now...it will end up being so great.

Skipping onward to adulthood (I'd elaborate on college, but you need to be left in the dark about some things...it's good for you ;D). You're 24, not married, and currently living in a U.S. common wealth that not many U.S. citizens know about. It's an island that has a population that could rival that of a small town and size wise takes less than an hour to drive from top to bottom. In a small, private school you'll teach and it will be probably one of the best experiences you'll have so far...despite a frustrating first year.

The undeserving love you will receive during your time here will be astounding. It will flow not only from students but coworkers and local friends as well.

Embrace it.

I can't say much past that because, well, I (we) obviously have a large chunk of life to live. The best thing I can say for right now is to keep your faith. I know, I know cliche. But you will find that in many current and future circumstances, without God, things won't turn out as great as they have. Even when it seems like there is nothing left, cling to him until your knuckles turn white.

So breathe, it's going to be ok.

Love,
Your Adult-self