I guess it's like swimming, just hold your breath and jump.
One...
One...
...Two...
...Three
After over a year of trying, my husband David and I will be expecting our first child at the end of March. As much as we'd love to take credit for it (I mean, I guess we were crucial factors ;D), we can't do anything but give glory to God. For without him this miracle of a child truly would not have happened.
After over a year of trying, my husband David and I will be expecting our first child at the end of March. As much as we'd love to take credit for it (I mean, I guess we were crucial factors ;D), we can't do anything but give glory to God. For without him this miracle of a child truly would not have happened.
It's kind of funny you know, everyone tells you to be careful because with every moment of intercourse conception is possible. Though this may technically be true, I wouldn't hold it to be absolute truth (at least not in our case). It wasn't long after our day of wedded bliss that we had decided that we wanted a baby. Being two relatively healthy humans we thought it would be no problem. Yet after multiple months of negative pregnancy tests it showed to be more of a challenge than we expected. I still remember sitting on the edge of our couch one month, test in hand and nothing but a hot feeling of frustration and anger while tears slid their way down my cheeks. Constantly going back to, "What are we doing wrong?"
The answer?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Looking back, I honestly think God held on to our ability to conceive because he knew we weren't ready yet. Did we want a baby? Like you would not believe. Did we have more to learn before we could have one? Absolutely. He took us on an adventure that ranged from learning how to best resolve conflict with each other, to pseudo children in the form of two little doggies. However, to think this journey was easy is laughable, for gold truly is refined by fire.
As we were going through our trial, we received a message from God through a pastor at the church we were attending at the time. (Now, keep in mind that we had not mentioned to anyone in our congregation that we were working towards this goal of a tiny human.) He came up to us and said, "God wants me to tell you that this time next year (this was last October) you will have a baby..." David and I looked at each in disbelief and I couldn't help but break down and cry on the spot.
It was like the world was lifted off of my shoulders.
That being said, sometimes when you know something so incredible is about to happen, waiting gets even more difficult. Frustration and anger returned with each month of negative pregnancy tests that followed. I even remember saying, "We're supposed to have a miracle child, but nothing's happening! Why is he doing this to us?" The pastor came up to us again after a service with a huge smile saying, "Your blessing is coming, God wants me to tell you your blessing is coming!" Though my doubts were about me (I mean, he said that before and nothing had happened...), it did help to know that God hadn't forgotten us.
Enter summer.
It was a July morning and we were down to our last two pregnancy tests. Though I was hesitant at first to take them (one can only handle so many disappointments), we knew that it was the right time.
One line showed up.
That being said, sometimes when you know something so incredible is about to happen, waiting gets even more difficult. Frustration and anger returned with each month of negative pregnancy tests that followed. I even remember saying, "We're supposed to have a miracle child, but nothing's happening! Why is he doing this to us?" The pastor came up to us again after a service with a huge smile saying, "Your blessing is coming, God wants me to tell you your blessing is coming!" Though my doubts were about me (I mean, he said that before and nothing had happened...), it did help to know that God hadn't forgotten us.
Enter summer.
It was a July morning and we were down to our last two pregnancy tests. Though I was hesitant at first to take them (one can only handle so many disappointments), we knew that it was the right time.
One line showed up.
Typical.
Then....
Then....
Two lines?
OMG TWO LINES!!
The best way to describe the situation is surreal.
God provided a child for us.
OMG TWO LINES!!
The best way to describe the situation is surreal.
God provided a child for us.
Now you may be thinking, Ok, but you mentioned that this could be a painful post...how? I'm
glad you asked. I think one of the hardest things to see while we were
going through this experience was the cutesy/cheesy posts of people
announcing that they're pregnant. I realize that it's an exciting time
and it's something that people want to share, which is awesome and I'm
definitely not saying they should stop. I will be honest though, when
you've been trying for so long and conception seems so out of reach,
they can hurt (unintentionally).
I don't know where your desire for a baby is right now, but if you are feeling any frustration about conception know that you are not alone. Whether it's been 3 months or three years, the feelings of disappointment and anger are real and it's ok to recognize why you feel that way. In fact, it's healthy. Yet also know that if it's God's will for you to have a child, it will happen. It may not be today, it may not be next month, but He will make a way.
I don't know where your desire for a baby is right now, but if you are feeling any frustration about conception know that you are not alone. Whether it's been 3 months or three years, the feelings of disappointment and anger are real and it's ok to recognize why you feel that way. In fact, it's healthy. Yet also know that if it's God's will for you to have a child, it will happen. It may not be today, it may not be next month, but He will make a way.
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